If I could just have one last dance with you
by AbigailKinney4life
Summary: Brian wasn't about to let Justin's heart be stolen away from him, but he couldn't control the higher powers. No matter how much he tried.  Ongoing story. Reviews much appreciated x First attempt at a QAF fanfic x
1. Chapter 1: Save the last dance for me

If I could just have one last dance with you...

Disclaimer: I do not own Queer as Folk or any of the characters, they belong to Showtime and Cowlip.

Warnings: Slash, some strong language, homophobia.

Chapter One: Save the last dance for me

The tears were so far gone down Brian's face now that he could taste them. Bitter and cold.

Brian was vaguely aware of Michael rubbing the back of his neck, but right now he could barely register anything. In his head he was back there, dancing with Sunshine, kissing him, and then there was the bat...

Fresh tears escaped Brian's eyes as he remembered Justin smiling at him as he walked away, and in that moment, he had known why Debbie called him Sunshine, Brian couldn't believe that he'd never seen it before.

_That's because you never looked._ He told himself, and he was right, he never had. He'd looked at Justin as a hindrance above all else. The kid had annoyed him because he'd made him repeatedly break his one-fuck policy. And as Brian sat in the hospital with Justin's blood hanging around his neck; stained into the same object Brian had used earlier that night to try and take his own life, he realised that the kid could make him break another one of his rules.

No regrets.

_What the fuck am I gonna do if he dies?_ Brian thought to himself. He knew he shouldn't have been thinking about it, and he also knew that Brian Kinney from a few hours ago would ask him why in the hell he cared about the twink anyway? But here and now, he didn't have time for all the bullshit he used to spew forth. He was wrong in the way he had treated Justin. The kid had truly loved him and Brian had thrown it back in his face. And Brian loved him, oh god yes, Brian loved him, and despite Brian's belief of telling it how it is, he suddenly began to realise that the only person he was lying to was himself. Brian winced as the memory of that bat colliding with Justin's fragile skull replayed in his mind. He would always remember that moment for the rest of his life for being to first time he had ever seen things clearly. Justin was beautiful, fuck, he was _perfect. _All Brian wanted to do was protect him and love him and be loved by him. And he would also remember that moment for being the most scared he had ever been in his life. In that split second, Brian didn't know if Justin was alive or dead, and seeing Justin's blood spilling out onto the cold concrete...he could have killed Chris Hobbs right there but _his Sunshine _needed him, and Brian never wanted to leave his side again.

Sitting here, he felt so empty, and nothing else mattered. He genuinely felt like if Justin didn't make it, Brian wouldn't be able to go on.

He'd have no reason to.

He couldn't believe he hadn't realise how Justin's smiles lit up his day, or how happy he'd been just to turn over in the morning and see his face. Even when they went to New York to find him, yes, it was partly because Brian was pissed about his credit card, but partly because he wanted to get _his Sunshine _back.

_Please don't let him die, _Brian silently begged to any God that might be listening. _I have so much to tell you, Sunshine, so much to give you, and you_ _have so much life left inside of you. _Brian wasn't about to let Justin's heart be stolen away from him, but he couldn't control the higher powers. No matter how much he tried. _For Christ's sake, Justin, all you wanted was for me to come to your prom; you could have had anything else! I would have given you anything else! _

"This is all my fault." Brian whispered softly.

"This is not your fault." Said Michael. "He wanted you at his prom, no one could have predicted what happened, and..." Michael took a deep breath to stop his lip from trembling. "...even if he does...go...you gave him the thing he wanted most, you showed him you loved him-" Michael stroked down the side of Brian's neck affectionately, "-it's all he wanted in his life."

_This could be Sunshine's last dance,_ thought Brian, breaking down into tears, _and he saved it for me._


	2. Chapter 2: Don't drift away from me

If I could just have one last dance with you...

So, second chapter of my ongoing story, hope you enjoy! Reviews much appreciated x

Disclaimer: I do not own Queer as Folk or any of the characters, they belong to Showtime and Cowlip.

Warnings: Slash, some strong language, homophobia and in this chapter some upsetting scenes.

Chapter two: Don't drift away from me

Jennifer Taylor walked into the hospital for what must have been the hundredth time in three days, her eyes red raw. She walked through the hospital and passed a waiting room she had never been in before. She did a double take as she recognised a familiar face. She hid in the doorway and saw Brian, Brian Kinney, he was sat with his hands knotted in his hair and his eyes on the floor. Jennifer felt an unfamiliar pinch on her heart seeing him like this. She couldn't claim to know Brian very well, as even during their brief meetings, Jennifer had always been hostile at best. But Brian had definitely given off a very dominant, confident vibe. Unforgiving, insubordinate, in control. Jennifer new the type. But now he looked so...vulnerable. Jennifer realised that she may have to rethink a few things.

Jennifer caught sight of a near by nurse and walked up to her.

"Excuse me, Nurse-" Jennifer asked, "but, how long has that man been here?" She indicated to him.

"Who? Brian?" Said the Nurse. "He's a sweetheart, isn't he? Been here three full days."

Jennifer blinked a few times. "Full?"

The Nurse nodded. "Yep. He just sits there, staring into space, but I don't think he's seeing anything." The Nurse smiled sadly. "I think he's just waiting to see if Justin is gonna be okay."

Jennifer felt the tears pricking her eyes. "You 'no, I used to think that that man was taking advantage of my son. God I was wrong."

Brian heard the footsteps but he didn't bother to look up, it was only when someone sat down next to him that he lifted his eyes off of the ground.

"I didn't expect you to be here." Jennifer admitted. Brian looked briefly up at Justin's mother.

"Why not? Justin is my partner." It was the first time Brian had spoken in a long time, and it shocked him how dead his voice sounded, but what also shocked him were the words that came out of his mouth. He hadn't been planning on saying it, it just came out. He and Justin were partners...he liked the sound of that.

Jennifer cleared her throat. "I had know idea your...relationship...with Justin was so...so..."

"Loving?" Brian finished off for her, meeting her eyes.

"Yes." Jennifer nodded.

"No-" began Brian, looking back at the floor. "neither did I."

Jennifer chose to ignore that comment and build up the courage to ask Brian the question she had been waiting to ask him for three days. Part of her was dying to know the answer, but another part of her didn't want to make Brian relive the events that were obviously causing him so much distress.

"What happened, Brian?" What really happened?"

Brian sighed and rubbed his eyes, he knew this question would be coming sooner or later from someone or other, but Brian hadn't bargained on telling Jennifer Taylor how he'd seen her baby boy being beaten with a baseball bat; the same son who was currently lying unconscious in one of these rooms fighting for his life. Brian pushed these thoughts to the back of his mind before they overwhelmed him, he tried to focus on Jennifer.

"I, err...I went to his prom-" Brian began, seeing the images flash before his eyes as he told them. "-and I, I asked him to dance with me..."

Jennifer nodded. "Daphne said you had the entire floor to yourselves."

"We did." Brian laughed slightly, caught in the memory. "Then we went out to the parking lot..." Jennifer could see Brian's eyes darken. "Justin was walking away-" Brian continued, "and I saw Hobbs come up behind him..." he felt his eyes welling up. "I...I tried to run after him but...but Justin was too far away...!"

"Brian..." began Jennifer softly.

"Then he swung..." Continued Brian, he couldn't go on, the image of Justin and that bat crystal clear, burned into his memory like Brian was now branded with it, and if only he could transfer that image to Jennifer...

He buried his head in his hands, maybe, just maybe if he made it dark enough, all the pain would go away.

"I'm so sorry, Mrs. Taylor-" began Brian, furiously scrubbing at his eyes. "I'm sorry I couldn't protect him."

"Now-hold on," began Jennifer. "Whatever that, that _animal _did, this was not, your fault." Brian looked up at her and smiled slightly. "And it's Jennifer," she clarified, and her and Brian shared a laugh.

"When he...when he gets out-" began Brian tentatively, "I want to look after him, I want to help you look after him."

"I'm sure Justin wouldn't have it any other way."

"Look, Jennifer, Justin and I aren't the best of couples, I know that, but...I care about him, and...I wanna do everything I can to make this work."

"Brian," began Jennifer, "if this is how you deal with your...boyfriend...being attacked, then for what it's worth, I'm glad my son fell in love with you."

"It's worth a lot," Brian told her.

As Brian and Jennifer sat there smiling at each other, they both knew a friendship was being born.

Brian's lip began to tremble at his next question. "Can I see him?"

The Nurse silently held the door open for Brian and Jennifer and they both entered the room slowly, even though it tore Jennifer's heart open, she was used to what Justin looked like, but for Brian, it was a total shock to his already frazzled system.

"Oh...God..." Brian choked out. Justin lay on a cold white hospital bed, wired up to an offensively large breathing apparatus with a thick, white bandage rapped around the majority of his head. Brian's breathing was shaky and he fought to keep his body still.

"Any change?" Jennifer asked the Nurse.

"Well," she began, walking up to Jennifer. The two women were talking but Brian couldn't hear them, all he could hear was his own heartbeat, thudding uncontrollably in his chest, and all he could see was Sunshine, _his Sunshine. _He walked slowly and cautiously over to Justin and sat by his bed, he couldn't stop staring at Justin's closed eyes, just willing them to open. _This is all my fault. _He repeated to himself, fighting off the tears.

Then, gently, ever so gently, Brian slowly reached out and ran a slender finger tenderly down the side of Justin's cheek, ghosting over the skin. He just wanted to touch him, _feel _him, even if it was only for one last time.

Then, Justin _moved_, his whole body arched weakly into Brian's hand. Brian looked at Justin's face and was confused to see Justin was still very much unconscious.

Jennifer's brow furrowed in confusion. "He's never done that before," she said, "not when I've touched him."

Understanding, Brian looked over Justin lovingly. "You know I'm here, don't you?" He asked softly, voice barely above a whisper. Even in this state, the fact that Justin wanted him above everyone else still managed to set his whole body on fire.

"I love you, Sunshine-" Brian admitted truthfully, effortlessly, "-and when you wake up, you're gonna know that." _That's a promise, Brian Kinney. _

"_If _he wakes up, honey." Said the Nurse gently.

"He will." Brian said. "If I've learned anything about Justin over the last year, it's that he's a persistent little kid," he laughed slightly. "He always finds a way to sneak in under the wire."

"Well, I hope you're right, honey, I really do." Said the Nurse genuinely.

"What are his chances?" Asked Jennifer in a throaty voice.

"At this point, 50:50-" the Nurse continued, "-we will need to run several..." she and Jennifer began to talk again and Brian began to stroke Justin's exposed hair softly.

"Don't drift away from me, Sunshine," he began softly, "I'm not gonna let you drift away."


	3. Chapter 3: Spiralled down into nothing

If I could just have one last dance with you...

Disclaimer: I do not own Queer as Folk or any of the characters, they belong to Showtime and Cowlip.

Warnings: Slash, some strong language, homophobia

Okay, so, third chapter now up, bit of a long one. I would like to thank all of the people who have reviewed and supported me so far, it keeps me writing x Reviews much appreciated x

Chapter 3: Spiralled down into nothing

Ripped harshly back into reality, Justin Taylor gasped loudly as he was greeted by the confusing blur that was the world. He breathed very heavily as things began to come back into focus.

"Brian..." he choked out softly, wincing at his sore throat, he coughed to make his voice stronger.

"Brian?" He shouted as loud as his voice would let him. "Brian?" He screamed desperately again, his voice disturbing the eerie silence in the unfamiliar white room. Justin looked around wildly, completely disorientated. His head was throbbing and he had no idea where he was, his vision was still blurry around the edges but he was in a room, a white room, and it was dark, and quiet and he was alone. The last thing Justin remembered was being in Babylon. Yes, Babylon, and he was talking to...Brian.

_Oh God, where's Brian? _Justin thought desperately, he needed Brian, to tell him everything was gonna be okay, to rap his strong arms around him and make him safe again. The tears began falling down Justin's cheeks as he began to shake uncontrollably. "BRIAN?"

...

Brian and Jennifer were sat in the hospital cafeteria, nursing strong coffee's, Brian's eyes stung and Jennifer could barely keep here eyes open.

"You should try and get some sleep." Brian told her.

"So should you." Jennifer half-smiled.

Brian grinned slightly in response. "Touchè."

Jennifer took a sip from her coffee and was glad for the strength.

"So, how did you and Justin meet?" She asked, Brian and Jennifer had talked about many aspects of each others lives, but they had barely spoken about Brian and Justin.

"On a street, at night." Said Brian. "Under a lamp post in the middle of liberty avenue-" he smiled at the memory. "I remember- he pretended to know so much, I knew he was lying, but- he was just so cute...and nervous!" Brian laughed, and Jennifer smiled.

"He...he wouldn't stop going on about...about being allergic to Tylenol, and cheerios and being ambidextrous, " Brian sighed and smiled sadly. "He wouldn't shut up, but I guess deep down inside I didn't want him to stop talking, and every time he blushed it was the most adorable thing I'd ever seen in my life."

Jennifer laughed. "Yeah, I haver to agree with you on that one."

"So-" began Brian, "how did you find out Justin was gay?"

Jennifer sighed. "Well, I suppose I'd always had a sneaking suspicion, what with him being, you 'no, different, sensitive, artistic...not that I think every gay person is like that!" She quickly clarified.

"Don't worry." Brian laughed. "I understand what you mean."

"But I suppose what clinched it was the nude drawings of men in his sketchpad..."

"Yeah, that might have given it away." Brian and Jennifer shared a laugh.

"He probably wouldn't want me telling you this-" Jennifer continued, "but he had your name scribbled all over his sketchpad."

Brian raised his eyebrows. "Really?"

Jennifer nodded, smiling. Brian ran a hand through his dark hair.

"I was so horrible to him, I can't believe I treated him the way that I did."

"Well-" began Jennifer, "for someone who was "so horrible" to Justin, you seem to have a good memory of the night you met."

"A lot of life-changing stuff happened that night." Brian admitted. _In more ways than you previously thought, Mr. Kinney. _

"That was the night my son was born."

Jennifer looked up to Brian, surprised. "You have a son?"

"To a lesbian couple, actually." Said Brian, "but I'll always be his father and I'll always be a part of his life."

"I think I may have seriously misjudged you, Brian Kinney." Jennifer smiled. "What's his name?"

"Gus," said Brian proudly, "in fact, Justin was the one who decided."

Jennifer's eyes widened. "Oh! I've met him!"

"You have?" Asked Brian, shocked.

"Yeah, it was one of Justin's art shows, I think that was when I saw you for the first time."

"I'm sorry didn't introduce myself." Said Brian earnestly.

Jennifer smiled. "You 'no, Gus was Justin's Teddy bears' name."

"Really?" Asked Brian. "He probably wouldn't like you telling me that either." Brian pointed out, grinning.

"Ah, well-" began Jennifer, "what's he gonna do about it?"

The truth of Jennifer's words suddenly hit Brian. They both fell silent again.

"It's been two weeks, Jen." Said Brian softly.

"I know-" Jennifer agreed, and she nearly broke down into tears. Brian reached across the table and took her hand, she squeezed his hand tightly.

"What are we gonna do if he never wakes up?"

Brian's reply was cut off by the desperate cry that reverberated distantly through the hospital.

"BRIAN?"

"That's Justin!" Said Brian almost immediately, his wide eyes met Jennifer's wide eyes and the pair bounded out of the room leaving two scattered coffee cups behind them.

Brian and Jennifer raced through the hospital that they only managed to survive by Brian stopping Jennifer before she hit the open door and Jennifer pulling Brian out of the way of the cleaning trolley.

They both stopped dead as they ran into Justin's hospital room. Justin was sat bolt upright, sheer terror in his eyes but very, very much alive.

Brian and Jennifer both broke out into smiles of relief and pure elation, almost enough to match Sunshine. But as this point this just confused Justin more.

"Why are you smiling?" Asked Justin desperately, "where the fuck am I?" The smiles left Brian and Jennifer's faces and Jennifer looked worriedly towards her son.

"Don't...don't you remember?"

"I remember being at Babylon-" said Justin, voice shaking and breathing heavily, "and then I woke up here, and why does my hand hurt?"

"Oh my God." Said Brian softly, "he doesn't remember anything."

Justin whimpered softly, the fear still fresh in his eyes and Brian felt as though burning knives were carving the words _this is your fault _deep into his heart.

"Brian," Justin begged helplessly, weakly holding out his arms to him. Brian immediately encased Justin's weak body in his strong arms, protecting him from the world. He held onto Justin tightly, but not so much that it would hurt him.

Justin was alive, Justin was gonna live. _What have I done in my life to deserve this?_

"Brian, I'm so scared," Justin whimpered, clutching tightly onto Brian, and even though it was true, Justin felt so immediately safe with Brian's arms around him, he somehow felt like Brian would always protect him, even though Justin was pretty sure Brian would just let him die. But he didn't care, he just loved Brian so much...

"You don't have to be afraid," Brian whispered. "I'm here, I'm always gonna be here," he said, pouring his heart into every word. "I'm never gonna let you go, Sunshine," Said Brian desperately. "I'm never gonna let you go."

...

"I was...I was attacked?" Said Justin disbelievingly, still sat in the hospital bed with his mothers arms rapped tightly around him.

The Doctor nodded. "Christopher Hobbs hit you over the head with a baseball bat at your prom, after seeing you dance with Mr. Kinney."

Justin looked up to Brian, who was standing at the far side of the room.

"You came? You actually came?"

"Of course-" began Brian, "you wanted me there, didn't you?"

Justin flashed his sunshine smile at Brian and Brian nearly died right there and then, too long had he gone without seeing that smile.

"Justin-" began the Doctor. "What is the last thing you remember?"

"I was at a night club called "Babylon" ," Began Justin, "I was talking to Brian, and he said that he wouldn't come to my prom..." Brian hung his head. "I remember feeling really disappointed and then I woke up here," Justin looked up at the Doctor and shrugged slightly, "I don't remember anything else."

The Doctor nodded slowly. "You appear to be suffering from short term memory loss,2 the Doctor informed him, "you should have your memory back soon enough."

Justin nodded slowly, trying to soak it all in. Brian couldn't get over how vulnerable Justin looked, and how much he wanted to sweep Justin up in his arms and hide him from the rest of the world, where nothing else could hurt him.

The Doctor wrote something down on his clipboard, "Mrs. Taylor, if I could speak to you in private?"

Jennifer looked reluctant to let Justin out of her sight, but she knew Brian was there and that was good enough for her, she slowly eased her hands from around Justin.

"I'll be right back, baby." Justin nodded.

"Okay, Mom." Jennifer smiled as she left the room with the Doctor, leaving Brian and Justin alone for the first time since they'd been standing together in that parking lot.

They both looked around awkwardly for a minute.

"How did I get to the hospital?" Justin asked tentatively.

"I was with you," said Brian. "When you got bashed, that is, I chased Hobbs away and held you until the ambulance came."

"Really?" Asked Justin softly, Brian nodded.

"Thank you." Said Justin.

"Anything," Said Brian quietly without thinking.

Justin tentatively looked up at Brian. "I, um, I'm a bit surprised that you're here."

Brian looked confusedly down at Justin. "Why?"

"Because I've been nothing but a burden on your life." Said Justin slowly, like he was stating the obvious.

"And now that I'm broken..."

"You are not broken." Brian interrupted immediately, causing Justin to be a little taken aback. "You will never be broken." Brian went on. "You will always be perfect."

"What?" Asked Justin, surprised.

Brian could _feel _his walls coming down. "I was, so fucking scared." Said Brian. "I sat here for three days waiting to see of you were gonna live or die, I can't get the images of that night out of my head..." Brian slowly crossed the room and knelt down gently by the side of Sunshine's bed, so now they were at the same height.

Justin hadn't been able to take his eyes off of Brian ever since he'd woken up, even though for him it had been a matter of seconds since he'd last seen Brian, Justin felt like they'd been separated for so long, and his memories couldn't do Brian justice. The worst part had been seeing Brian's large, familiar eyes filled with such hurt that Justin had just wanted to put his arms around him and kiss away the pain. Brian was so close to him now, Justin closed the distance and put a hand on Brian's cheek, feeling the familiar warmth he emitted and satisfying Justin's need to touch his lover, his soul mate.

Brian's eyes fluttered slightly at Justin's touch, God how he'd missed it.

"I love you, Sunshine, more than I've ever loved anyone," Justin's eyes melted.

"I thought you didn't believe in love?" He whispered.

"I was wrong," said Brian. "I was so wrong and I should have never treated you the way I did, and I'm just, so sorry it took a bat to the head for me to see that, I'm so sorry..." Brian's voice began to shake as the tears fell down his face. Justin had never seen Brian cry before, and it was the single most upsetting thing he had ever seen in his life.

"Hey," said Justin, wiping away Brian's tears with his fingers, "this is not your fault."

Brian wiped his own eyes and looked at Justin. "Do you think you could ever forgive me for the way I treated you?"

"There's nothing to forgive," said Justin softly, "I fell in love with _you, _remember?"

"Do you still love me?" Brian asked softly.

Justin looked over the face he knew so well. "I don't think that I could ever stop loving you."

"Will you stay with me?" Brian asked in a whisper.

Justin laughed slightly, "what part of our relationship so far made you think I was ever gonna leave?"

Brian looked into Justin's eyes and told him in a voice so soft it was barely audible. "I thought you were going to leave me forever, I though I was gonna lose you."

Brian stared at the floor as Justin looked at him with pure love in his eyes. "I love you so much," began Justin tenderly, "I never want to let you go."

Brian looked up and met Justin's eyes, catching Justin off-guard, Brian captured Justin's lips with his own. Brian let out a moan as he kissed Justin, something that, two weeks ago, he would have given his life to do. Brian had thought he would never taste Justin's lips again, or feel them moving against his own, and he cherished every single second. Brian was kissing Justin passionately but gently, Justin immediately knotted a weak hand into Brian's hair, kissing him back with all the strength he could muster. As Justin kissed Brian almost desperately, it became clear to him how much he _needed _Brian in order to survive. When the kiss ended, bot Brian and Justin brushed their noses together with their eyes closed, breathing in each others familiar scent, both realising just how much they missed it.

...

When Jennifer and the Doctor walked back in, Brian was sitting next to Justin's bed and was holding his hand tightly. Brian and Justin both looked up and realised that Justin's mother was crying.

"Mom...?"

"Jennifer...?"

"Justin, I am so sorry..." Jennifer choked out.

"What is it?" Asked Justin, confused.

"Justin-" began the Doctor, "I want you to realise just how lucky you are, if Chris Hobbs had hit you only slightly harder, you would have most likely been dead." Justin nodded slowly and Brian listened carefully.

"It's going to take a long time for the motor functions in your hand-" the Doctor continued, gesturing to the hand that Brian wasn't holding, "-to heal and work properly again, you will need to undergo a course at rehab."

Still confused, Justin again looked at his mother. "So...what's the problem?"

"I'm so sorry-" the Doctor began, "but we don't think you will ever be able to draw again."

Justin met Brian's beautiful hazel orbs, now very wide as he was again met with the fear that there was absolutely nothing he could do, and Justin's bright blue eyes that Brian had so longed to see shine with light now shone with an anguish Brian had never seen before.

They stared into each others eyes in grief as Justin's whole world spiralled down into nothing.


	4. Chapter 4: Always be strong enough

If I could just have one last dance with you...

Disclaimer: I do not own Queer as Folk or any of the characters, they belong to Showtime and Cowlip.

Warnings: Slash, some strong language, homophobia

Chapter 4! Again, just amazingly grateful for all the support I've had after writing for such a short time, love you all! Reviews much appreciated x

Chapter 4: Always be strong enough

Justin unwillingly knocked the tennis ball off of the table for the umpteenth time.

"I can't do it!" He shouted frustratedly.

Brian reached over and gently took Justin's wrist in his hand and massaged his hand slowly.

"Calm down." Brian said softly. Justin began to calm his breathing as he realised that he couldn't really concentrate on anything but Brian's fingers. _That feels so good. _

"I never knew you could be so gentle." Justin admitted.

"Well, I'm just full of surprises." Said Brian, causing Justin to smile.

He'd really missed Brian, even though they hadn't been apart.

Justin looked over Brian's calm and patient form treating his injured wrist with such tenderness.

"I'm sorry for being so angry." Justin apologised.

"It's okay," said Brian, looking up at Sunshine and smiling slightly. "I understand."

Justin smiled in return. "I just, _really_ want to prove the Doctor wrong, I just _know_ I'm gonna draw again."

"You will," Brian assured him, "but right now you need to concentrate on getting your hand moving again." He gave Justin's hand a gentle kiss and handed him back the tennis ball.

"Thank you, for helping me, you could have just not bothered."

"Anything," Brian repeated, "I'll do anything."

Justin smiled. "You 'no...everyone said that our dance was amazing."

Brian laughed. "Yeah, it was. We must have freaked everyone out."

Justin snorted. "Yeah, one person in particular." He said ruefully.

Brian sighed. "You're gonna have to put that behind you one day and move on." He told Justin knowingly. Justin sighed, he knew Brian was right, but he just couldn't seem to get what wasn't there out of his head.

"It would...just be easier to forget, if I could remember it."

Brian tenderly rubbed the back of Justin's neck. "You will, someday." Said Brian softly. "I just wish I could forget." Justin stroked Brian's cheek with his good hand. Brian smiled weakly up at Justin, then he nodded towards the tennis ball. Grinning, Justin tried again to grip the ball with his bad hand, but with no joy. Brian couldn't help but smile at Justin's concentration face. Justin was so busy for a while that he didn't really notice Brian, but when his concentration began to fall, he suddenly realised that Brian was leaning on his arm and staring intently at him.

Justin did a double take and an adorable blush worked it's way across his cheeks. "What...are you looking at?" He grinned, slightly embarrassed.

"You," said Brian bluntly. "You are so beautiful." He continued softly. Justin's blush deepened.

Suddenly, Jennifer decided to walk into the room.

"How are my two favourite sons?" She asked cheerily.

"Hey." Said Brian, standing up and hugging Jennifer while Justin raised an eyebrow. Jennifer bent down and hugged Justin.

"Hows progress?" Jennifer asked. Justin mimicked a plane crashing with his good hand.

"It's just a matter of time, sweetheart." Jennifer told him, "but you will get there, nothing can stop you when you see what you want."

"Tell me about it." Said Brian, rolling his eyes. Justin grinned.

"I'm sorry I'm late-" Jennifer continued, "-work was being work and traffic was being traffic."

"It's okay," Brian smiled, "I was looking after him."

"I know you were." Jennifer smiled softly.

"I'm gonna get a drink," she said, "you two want one?"

"Sure." Said Brian and Justin in unison.

"Okay, be right back!" She called, leaving the room.

Justin immediately looked at Brian with a furrowed brow. "Since when were you and my Mom such good friends?"

"When you were...asleep, we spent a lot of time together," Brian let out a breath, "you 'no, both drowning in the same fantasy that one day you might regain consciousness and make our lives worth living again."

Justin was caught off-guard. "Wait, say that again?"

Brian looked up at Justin innocently. "I...just said, your Mom and I..."

"No,no,no-" Justin cut him off, "-if I hadn't off woken up, your life wouldn't have been worth living?"

Brian looked into Justin's eyes. "I guess not," he said softly, "you are my Sunshine."

As touched as Justin was by Brian's words, there was still something niggling at the back of his brain.

"That makes me really upset." He admitted.

This took Brian aback. "Why?"

"Because you are the most amazing, incredible person I have ever met in my life," Justin told him, and as he looked into the eyes of the man he loved, he meant every single word that he said next; "I don't care what happens to me, all I care about is that your life has to go on."

Brian was completely silent and stared at Justin for a very long moment. The conversation ended when Jennifer walked back into the room.

1 WEEK LATER

"This is completely pointless," Justin told his mother, looking away from the table of things he was supposed to be moving around.

"It is not pointless, Justin." Jennifer told her son. "You can even pick things up now!"

"Yeah, paper clips. Go me." Said Justin sarcastically.

Jennifer sighed. "Okay," she said. "Why don't we talk about something else?"

"How come you like Brian now?" Justin asked. Jennifer was actually surprised that this question hadn't come sooner.

"We've been a great help to each other over this hard time," Jennifer told Justin truthfully. "When I...when I first saw him here, he was so helpless and scared, I suppose my motherly instinct just kicked in, but-" she looked at her son, "-he's a good man."

Justin smiled up at his mother. "I know."

Jennifer smiled back. "Sweetheart, I'm just going to talk to the Doctor for a minute, are you gonna be okay?"

"Of course I am." Justin smiled, Jennifer got up and left the room.

...

"He doesn't like the Rehab clinic," Jennifer told the Doctor. "I think he's just getting bored with that same room-"

"Maybe." The Doctor reasoned. "But I think I know the root cause, have you noticed how frustrated Justin gets when Brian isn't around?"

Jennifer let out a long breath. "Yeah, that too."

...

Brian ran into the room and as soon as Justin saw him, a million watt smile broke out across his face.

"Good morning, Sunshine." Brian grinned. "I'm really sorry I'm late..."

"I think I can guess why." Justin grinned suggestively. Brian took off his coat.

"what?" He asked, oblivious.

"Tricking." Said Justin obviously.

"Oh," said Brian, looking down. "No, it wasn't that."

Surprised, Justin asked; "when _was _the last time you were with someone?"

"Before you were bashed," said Brian, "and I intend to keep it that way."

Justin couldn't help but smile. _He'd really do that for me...?_

There were no words.

Thinking about it, it hadn't actually occurred to Brian to trick, and now that he thought about it, he had no desire to, Sunshine was all he wanted, all he needed. _What an easy habit to kick._

"So," asked Brian, sitting down and gesturing to the tennis ball, "have you been playing with your ball?" He smiled a cocky grin.

Justin smiled in happiness at this, even though this new Brian was amazing, he was glad that Brian was still the man he knew and fell in love with. Justin knew that he never wanted the unforgiving, insubordinate Brian to go away.

1 MONTH LATER

Justin was sat on the cold floor, clutching his knees to his chest and crying his eyes out. _Chris Hobbs should have just fucking killed me!_

Justin looked up as Brian ran into the bathroom, worry etched across his face. He sighed in relief when he saw Justin.

"Sunshine-" he began, "thank God I found you..." Justin stood up immediately, pure anger in his puffy red eyes, startling Brian.

"Stay the fuck away from me, Brian." Justin told his boyfriend.

"What?" Brian asked, shocked and confused.

"I DON'T WANT YOU ANYWHERE NEAR ME!" Justin screamed. As he continued to cry, Justin ran straight past a very confused Brian and out of the bathroom.

"Justin...!" Brian called, running after him. Brian chased Justin down the corridor until they ended up in Justin's room in the Rehab clinic. Seizing his advantage, Brian quickly blocked the door with his body.

"Get out of my way, Brian."

"Why did you run off?" Brian demanded.

"I don't want anything to do with you! I was trying to get away from you!"

"Sunshine, what did I do?" Asked Brian desperately.

"You _promised _me, that I would be okay, that I'd be able to use my hand again, you made me think that there was hope! You _lied!"_

"I would never lie to you." Said Brian confidently. "There _is _hope."

"Why should I believe you?" Said Justin desperately, "you've lied to me in the past, why should now be any different?"

Brian walked slowly up to Justin and put his hands on Justin's cheeks, Justin didn't resist him, he just stared helplessly into Brian's eyes.

"Because I am holding my whole world in my hands right now," said Brian passionately, "and I would do anything, anything! You either believe me or you don't, but it's true. I may be _a lot _of things Justin, but I am not a liar."

The tears fell freely down Justin's face as he stared into Brian's liquid eyes."I'm...so...so sorry..." Justin choked out, "I'll, I'll do anything, anything, I'm just so...so...sor..." as Justin babbled on, a weak mess in Brian's arms, Brian slowly removed a hand from Justin's cheek and picked up the nearby tennis ball. He slowly pushed the tennis ball into Justin's palm.

"Take it for me, Sunshine." Brian whispered.

Still a whimpering mess, and without even realising what he was doing, Justin held the tennis ball loosely in his hand. Brian then enclosed his own strong hand around Justin's and applied the slightest bit of pressure. As Justin gripped the tennis ball for the first time in two months, he looked up at Brian and his eyes went wide. They both smiled at each other as Justin felt Brian's warm hand that was holding his own, that was holding the tennis ball; helping him, guiding him, supporting him and keeping him firmly in place.

They stared into each others eyes, passing on unspoken words, an unsaid message;

Brian would always be strong enough for them both.


	5. Chapter 5: Trust in Brian's love

If I could just have one last dance with you...

Disclaimer: I do not own Queer as Folk or any of the characters, they belong to Showtime and Cowlip, I also do not own the Drifters or their song "Save the last dance for me".

Warnings: Slash, some strong language, homophobia, and for this chapter, some minor adult themes.

I cannot express just how grateful for all of the inspiring reviews I have gotten and all of the support, it really does keep me writing. Hope you all enjoy chapter 5! x

Chapter 5: Trust in Brian's love

Brian noticed Justin's knuckles go white as he gripped onto the car seat of his Jeep.

"Are you okay?" Brian asked Justin.

Justin smiled nervously. "Of course I am," he said, "I can't be afraid of the outside forever."

Brian smiled briefly. "Are you sure you're ready to do this?"

"I think so." Justin admitted.

"Okay," said Brian finally, "but you have to promise me that if you feel uncomfortable at any time, then you'll tell me, and we'll leave."

"I promise." Said Justin, smiling. "I love you."

Brian smiled as he looked down at Sunshine. "I love you, too."

...

Brian held onto Justin as they walked carefully into the Liberty Diner, Justin was glad for the support. As soon as Debbie Novotny saw them, a relieved smile broke out across her kind face.

"Sunshine!"

"Hey, Deb." Said Justin, grinning. Debbie walked out from behind the counter.

"I have prayed, for this day." She said. "To see you standing there, and to know you're all right." When she hugged Justin, she noticed Brian's unease to relinquish his very protective hold on him. _I knew it, Sweetheart, you're biggest organ is your heart._

"Baaaby!" Emmett screeched from the table he and Michael were sitting at. He bounded over and enveloped Justin into a warm hug. When they broke apart, Emmett was crying.

"Oh, honey..." he cried, "I'm just so glad to know you're all right."

Brian held a tissue out to Emmett, Emmett was momentarily caught off-guard by this simplest of gestures, he tentatively took the tissue. _Was Brian Kinney being kind to him?_

"Hey, Justin." Said Michael, smiling softly. He and Justin hugged slightly awkwardly.

"I'm glad you're okay." Said Michael sincerely.

"I'm glad you feel that way." Replied Justin.

"So, how have you been?" Asked Emmett, "have you been okay?"

"I've been okay," Justin smiled. "I've had Brian to look after me."

Brian smiled. "Always will."

Michael and Emmett shared a look.

"Hey, Sunshine!" Called Debbie. "Come over here and say hi to Uncle Vic!"

Justin grinned. "Be right back." He said to Brian. As Justin went to walk away, Brian reached out and grabbed his hand, getting his attention. "Love you." Said Brian.

Justin grinned widely. "Love you, too," he answered, leaning and kissing Brian, as Justin walked away Brian watched him go. When his eyes drifted back to where he was, he suddenly realised that Michael and Emmett were both staring at him.

"What?" He asked defensively.

"Have you finally done it?" Asked Emmett, "grown a heart?"

Brian laughed humourlessly. "Well, I guess a bat to the head can really jog your senses."

Michael got up and put his arms around Brian protectively.

"I'm just glad you're all right." He said softly to his best friend. Brian hugged Michael back and couldn't bring himself to tell his best friend the truth. _Yeah, _he thought, _lets go with that._

_..._

It was night time and Brian was sat in his bed in the loft, happily flicking through a magazine. He looked up when Justin got into the bed, holding his hand towards his body. Brian felt a twinge of pain on his already beaten heart.

"It feels really good to be back here." Justin told Brian.

"Home," said Brian.

"Really?" Asked Justin, surprised.

"You belong with me," said Brian, "in my heart. That is, if you want to."

Justin presented Brian with his famous Sunshine smile and Brian took that as a "yes".

Brian noticed that Justin was sitting at the far side of the bed. "What...are you doing all the way over there?" He asked tentatively. "Come closer." Justin edged closer down the bed towards Brian and Brian closed the rest of the distance. Brian looked into Justin's eyes and tentatively leant forward and touched Justin's lips with his own. Justin began to kiss Brian back and they revelled in the taste of each other for a few minutes, until Brian began to kiss slowly and seductively down the sensitive side of Justin's neck, an area that Brian knew well. Justin was lost in Brian for a few moments until his hand began to stroke slowly down Sunshine's back...

"Stop!" Said Justin suddenly, pulling Brian out of the moment. Justin sighed sadly and moved away, back facing Brian with his head buried in his hands. "I can't." He said miserably, defeated.

"What's wrong?" Asked Brian softly, tentatively, gently.

"It's not because I don't trust you, because I do." Said Justin hollowly, "I just don't think I'm ready."

Brian ran a hand through his hair. "It's okay." He said soothingly.

"It's not okay!" Justin shouted,angry at himself. Brian began to ponder what to do.

...

"So, Justin won't let anyone touch him?" Asked the Doctor.

"Yeah-" said Brian, running a hand through his hair and messing it up slightly. "I mean-" Brian continued, "he's okay with hugs and holding hands and stuff, but I tried to kiss him, to...to make love with him, but he just froze."

"Brian-" began the Doctor, "Justin is still thoroughly disturbed by all the things he can't remember."

Brian immediately looked up at the Doctor. "You said his memory would come back."

"I think in this case, Justin's memory needs to be unlocked."

"How?" Asked Brian, "how do I do that?"

"Brian, there is no simple answer..."

"Doctor, please," Brian interrupted, swallowing his own pride for the sake of Sunshine for a moment. "I...need your help. Justin is _screaming _on the inside I can feel it, now what can I do to make that stop? What can I do to make him remember?"

The Doctor sighed and caved at the desperate look in Brian's eyes. Brian's desperation seemed more serious as it was so contrasted with his usual confident disposition.

"Brian, _you _need to show him. You're the only one he trusts."

...

"What are we doing here?" Asked Justin nervously. Brian hopped out of the Jeep and onto St. James' parking lot and Justin followed suit, the worry and confusion evident in his eyes.

"I'm trying to help you remember what happened," Brian told Justin. "Your Doctor said it would help if I showed you some triggers."

"Okay..." Said Justin, slowly walking out in front of Brian and further down the parking lot. Unsure.

"I dragged you out into the parking lot-" began Brian, "-we were singing and dancing. We got to my Jeep and I kissed you, and you went to walk away..." Brian screwed up his eyes, grateful Sunshine wasn't looking at him.

"I saw Hobbs come after you, and I tried to run and stop him, but he was moving too fast and you were too far away..." As Brian said the words, Justin didn't feel like these things had happened to him, he felt like they'd happened to someone else.

"...then he swung, and you hit the ground, and you...your blood..." Justin winced as he heard what had happened to him, but he couldn't _feel _it.

"Don't...don't you remember anything?" Asked Brian desperately. Justin didn't answer.

Against his will, Brian whimpered in pain. Justin immediately turned to see Brian staring at the ground but not seeing anything, and even though Justin had been smashed over the head by a baseball bat, he was more hurt by Brian's pain. Justin slowly walked up to Brian and put his hands on him, desperate for the contact.

"I...want to remember." Said Justin, Brian met Justin's eyes and laughed shallowly.

"I don't."

...

"Did we really dance like this?" Asked Justin, as he and Brian danced around Brian's loft to no music. It had been more of a spur of the moment thing to Brian, any excuse to hold Sunshine in his arms.

"Of course we did." Brian grinned.

"I never expected you to ballroom dance," Justin told him, "like something out of an old movie."

"I liked to think of it as ridiculously romantic." Brian informed Justin playfully.

Justin sighed, "I still can't remember anything."

"Don't try," Brian soothed, pulling Justin against his chest. "Just dance, let the memories flow." Justin breathed in Brian's scent as they danced intimately for a few more minutes, then Brian leant down and kissed Justin softly.

"What was that for?" Asked Justin, slightly breathless.

"Trying to get you to remember." Brian answered easily.

"Wait," said Justin, coming to a halt, "you mean, you kissed me? In front of everybody?" He asked, nervous and pleased and a little gooey.

"Yeah-" said Brian softly, stroking Justin's cheek, "-you should have been there."

...

"There's no point in putting the radio on," Justin told Daphne, "they've just been playing old stuff all day."

"Better than nothing," Daphne shrugged, turning the radio on anyway. Justin wasn't particularly listening so it explained why the next few minutes of his life were pain free.

"So, how are you doing?" Daphne asked her best friend.

"Not so great," Justin admitted, "I can't remember a God damn thing."

"Well," Daphne laughed, trying to brighten the mood. "At least you have a gorgeous boyfriend." Justin and Daphne began to laugh for a long moment, and when it died down, Justin suddenly became aware of what song was playing. It was a song he had never heard before in his life, but had the most significance in the world.

_So don't forget who's takin' you home, and in who's arms you're gonna be. So darlin', save the last dance for me..._

Justin's mind was suddenly bombarded with images of him and Brian dancing together in a dark room, Justin could see them in suits, and a silk scarf...they were standing in a parking lot, Brian was calling his name and Justin was being hit with a sharp, blinding pain...

Justin's eyes began to flutter uncontrollably as the flashbacks began to overwhelm him. Daphne's eyes widened as she realised her best friend was freaking out.

"BRIAN!" She called without thinking. Brian ran in from the next room with Jennifer on his tail, both wide eyed.

"Justin..." began Jennifer helplessly.

Brian saw the state Justin was in and immediately understood, because that was the face Brian made every time he remembered Justin's bashing too. Brian encased Justin in his strong arms and held Justin whilst the young, blonde ray of sunshine sobbed hysterically into his chest.

"It's all gonna be okay, Sunshine." Brian told Justin soothingly, as Daphne and Jennifer watched on, helpless.

"Don't let him hurt me, Brian," begged Justin, still very much inside his own head. "Please don't let him hurt me!"

"I promise, Sunshine," Brian promised with every fibre of his being, "I promise with my life."

...

Justin was sat on Brian's bed in the loft watching Brian turn all the lights out. Justin watched Brian with pure love as he thought about how brave Brian was, and how much he wanted to be just like him. Brian walked into the bedroom and saw that Justin was watching him.

"Better now?" He asked.

Justin nodded and Brian sat down on the bed. "You really freaked me out," Brian admitted, "it was like you got hit all over again." Justin smiled sadly and stroked Brian's cheek softly. It seemed he couldn't go five minutes without touching Brian in some way.

"You called my name," Said Justin, "you tried to save me, you never told me about that."

"Must of forgotten." Brian shrugged, causing Justin to laugh.

"I'm jut glad you remembered," Brian continued, "maybe now you can start to get on with your life."

Justin looked into Brian's eyes. "You do know I trust you, don't you?" Justin asked, "you're probably the only person I trust."

"Yeah, I know." Said Brain, scratching his elbow and looking down, he looked back up to Sunshine. "It was just hard not being able to touch you."

"I've wanted you for so long, Brian." Said Justin, he slid closer to Brian on the bed. "Make love to me." He whispered.

It took Brian's brain a few moments to process Justin's words. "Are you sure?"

"I've never been more sure about anything in my entire life." Justin told Brian honestly. "I need you, I trust you." Brian ran a hand through Justin's golden hair and they met in a gentle kiss;

and as Brian tenderly made love to Justin for the first time in too long, Justin was overwhelmed with happiness at the realisation that he hadn't lost the one thing that would have destroyed him beyond anything else, even more than not being able to draw again;

he hadn't lost his trust in Brian's love, and his love for Brian.


	6. Chapter 6: It belongs

If I could just have one last dance with you...

Disclaimer: I do not own Queer as Folk or any of the characters, they belong to Showtime and Cowlip.

Warnings: Slash, some strong language, homophobia, and in this chapter, minor mention of violence and some upsetting scenes.

Here is chapter 6! Have to admit, I'm a little bit proud of this one myself! Hope you all enjoy reading it as much as I enjoyed writing it! Reviews much appreciated x

Chapter 6: It belongs

_...Sunshine was walking away...followed by a darkness he couldn't see, couldn't be warned about...he fell to the ground, defenceless and alone...his blood was running and running and running..._

Brian was ripped from his nightmare and his scream woke Sunshine. His breathing came out in harsh gulps and he was drenched in a cold sweat, he was shivering. Brian suddenly felt Justin rubbing his back comfortingly. "Are you okay?" Justin asked quietly.

"I'm fine," Brian answered almost unintelligibly. Justin noticed that Brian's muscles were really tense. Brian continued to breath heavily and he whimpered every so often; Justin realised that Brian was still half-asleep.

Justin continued to stroke down Brian's back and his arms, and Justin began to sing softly, lulling Brian soothingly back to sleep. Brian's breathing began to balance out again and Justin knew Brian had fallen back to sleep.

Justin put his arms around Brian and held him protectively. Justin began to really worry about Brian, _what could have scared you so much?_

As Justin fell back to sleep holding his soul mate in his arms; Brian's muscles never relaxed.

...

"So, I thought we could go and see them tomorrow, what do you think?" Justin looked up when he didn't get a reply.

Brian was just staring at the floor, he wasn't blinking.

"Brian?" Justin asked tentatively. "Brian?" He asked again, tapping Brian's shoulder. Brian suddenly looked up.

"Sorry, did you say something?" Justin gave Brian a look.

Brian rubbed his eyes. "I'm sorry." He apologised. Justin began to massage Brian's shoulders, shocked to notice that they were still as tense as the night before. They hadn't talked about the nightmare, Justin wasn't even sure if Brian remembered.

"You seem really distant lately." Said Justin.

"My minds' just been on other things." Said Brian, and Justin began to feel the same worry he'd felt before, he took Brian's hand and squeezed it tight. Justin was trying to send over some subconscious support, to somehow say without words that whatever was bothering Brian, he wasn't alone. He'd never be alone.

Brian smiled briefly at Justin, and Justin smiled back.

Without warning, Justin's hand began to shake slightly in Brian's. Brian immediately steadied Justin's hand, and Justin, looking down at his hand, laughed.

"Sorry," he laughed, "hands' just freaking out." When Justin looked up at Brian, his heart jumped right out of his chest and straight into an open fire.

The sheer _pain _in Brian's eyes.

Brian shook his head as if to clear it and laughed slightly, he kissed Sunshine tenderly on the cheek and went to walk away. As Justin watched him go, realisation dawned excruciatingly slowly as he suddenly understood.

...

"Justin!" Michael exclaimed, surprised to see Justin on his doorstep, and even more surprised when he saw that Justin had been crying.

Sat inside Michael's apartment, Justin began to speak.

"Michael, I know you hate me, and I'm okay with that, but I think we should meet at one mutual ground; Brian."

"Hey-" began Michael, quick to assure Justin of one fact, "I don't, hate you. I've just never had to share Brian before." Michael took a deep breath. "But you seem to have brought back the love in Brian that his parents squeezed out a long time ago, and...I'm grateful for that."

Justin smiled slightly. "The thing is," he began, "you know Brian better than anyone, so I figured you'd know what to do."

"What's the problem?" Asked Michael, all ears now that he knew his best friend might be in trouble.

Justin chose his words carefully. "He's been really distant, because he's been so affected by the bashing and he didn't tell anyone." Justin felt the tears fall involuntarily down his face. "Even though I was the one who was bashed and even though I can remember it now, the thing that hurts the most is Brian's pain." Justin wiped his eyes and told Michael something he didn't think he'd be able to tell anyone else. "Because it's like Brian had the shit kicked out of him, too."

Listening to Justin, Michael suddenly became very worried about his best friend, realising that Brian hadn't been okay, he'd just been too selfless to say so.

Michael then decided to tell Justin something he didn't think he'd be able to tell anyone else, because they wouldn't understand.

"...The night...you were bashed, when Brian got you to the hospital, the first thing he did was call me, I came running over and when I saw him, his face was covered in tears and he was covered in your blood." Michael winced at the memory. "He was staring, just staring, and not seeing anything, and the only thing he said to me was "this is all my fault"."

"Really?" Asked Justin.

Michael nodded. "Brian just needs time, he never really knew what it was like to love someone, and he never really knew what it was like to be loved _by _someone, so being hurt by love is probably the biggest shock his system has ever had."

Justin processed Michael's words and began to think about what to do.

Michael smiled slightly. "You 'no, this means we have something in common," Michael pointed out softly. "We'd both give our lives to protect Brian."

Justin smiled, and through this, Justin and Michael became mutual friends.

...

Michael knocked on the door of the loft and Brian answered. Brian and Michael felt so calm and contented just looking at each other again.

"Hey, Mikey." Said Brian, hugging him warmly. Michael didn't feel like Brian had changed, but then again, he was used to Brian's VIP treatment.

"I've missed you." Said Michael, following Brian into the loft and sitting down.

"I've missed you, too." Said Brian, walking to the kitchen, "I've just been busy."

"Justin came to see me today." Said Michael bluntly.

"What?" Asked Brian, surprised. "Was he...was he okay?" Brian continued, "I mean, because he still gets a little freaked out when he's not...you 'no..."

"...with you." Michael finished off, Brian didn't answer and looked down, Michael decided to answer Brian's question.

"No, actually, he'd been crying."

Brian's head immediately snapped up. "Why?"

Michael looked at Brian. "Because he's really worried about you."

"He shouldn't be worried about me!" Said Brian incredulously.

"Well, apparently you've been really distant and preoccupied an you've been having nightmares." Said Michael, and again, Brian didn't answer.

"I've been really worried about you, too." Said Michael softly. "You're my best friend and I love you, and you know you can tell me anything."

Brian sighed, he knew he couldn't keep anything from Michael.

"I just can't forget the night Justin was bashed," Brian told him, "it's like the images have been burned into my brain. I just didn't say anything because Justin _needed _me to be strong. Everyone, needs me to be strong, I'm the strong one!"

Michael walked up to Brian and put his arms around him.

"It's not your fault." he said, and in that moment, Brian knew something was seriously wrong with him, because he couldn't even bring himself to believe Michael.

...

Brian opened the loft door, having just returned home from work. He turned around and stopped as he saw his home. All of the lights were off, and there were dozens of lit candles on every surface, and scattered across the stylish dining table with the cooked meal, bottle of champagne and a single red rose. The space looked...pretty. Romantic.

But the brightest thing in the room to Brian was Sunshine, stood there waiting for him.

"What's...all this?" Asked Brian, gesturing to the room.

Justin picked up the single red rose, smelled it and then looked up at Brian.

"Chris Hobbs has hated me for years." He said In a calm voice. "For no reason , he just did." He continued. "He used to bully me like crazy when I was younger, he used to always threaten to kill me but I never took it seriously." He laughed slightly. "But when he got older, it became apparent that he had a screw loose," he continued, walking slowly up to Brian as Brian listened intently. "One time, he killed a cat, saw it, ran it over, got out of the car and _picked it up_. Then this one time he pinned one of my friends to the wall in Biology class, and one time he actually threatened to kill Daphne's parents, you can...ask her if you like." _Wow, _thought Brian, _he must have been such a nut job._

Justin stopped walking for a moment. "Hobbs is unhinged, he would have attacked me for any reason. He just happened to be a _slight _homophobe." Justin finished sarcastically.

Justin then walked straight up to Brian.

"It is not your fault."

In Brian's brain, it occurred to him that if Chris Hobbs was such a psycho then maybe, just maybe, it _wasn't _his fault.

Justin looked deep into Brian's eyes. "I'm alive, because of you." Said Justin, "and I don't blame you, so, surely, that's all that matters." Justin saw the eyes he loved filled with an emotion he had never seen before.

"I love you more than my life," said Sunshine, "and I couldn't have died, because my heart belongs to you."

Brian was totally defenceless and Justin knew that he had to handle his lover as gently as possible.

"You don't have to be the strong one all of the time," Justin told him softly. "You're fragile inside, It's part of the reason why I love you so much." Justin stroked Brian's cheek tenderly as Brian stared at him, looking so very fragile.

"You are made out of flesh and blood like the rest of us-" began Justin, "and that's okay!"

He held the single red rose out to Brian, who tentatively took it. Justin softly stroked the rose petals with his fingertips, looking down at the rose.

"Delicate and beautiful," he said, he then looked up at Brian, his fingertips followed his eyes and they left the rose petal and stroked a soft path up Brian's cheekbone.

"just like you." He finished.

As Justin looked into Brian's eyes, Brian looked more vulnerable and open than Justin had ever seen him before, and Justin felt himself falling even more in love with Brian than he already was, if that were humanly possible.

He leant forward and kissed Brian's soft lips. Brian began to think that he'd never trusted anyone as much as he trusted Sunshine now, he'd never been able to let his guard down.

But kissing Sunshine, and being held by him, it was the first time in Brian's he'd ever felt safe, truly safe.

And in this moment, Brian began to truly except that the bashing _wasn't_ his fault. He revelled in the weight suddenly lifted from him. His head was clear and his conscience was clear.

_I couldn't have let my heart be destroyed, _he thought, _because it belongs to Sunshine._


	7. Chapter 7: Lying alone in Brian's bed

If I could just have one last dance with you...

Disclaimer: I do not own Queer as Folk or any of the characters. They belong to Showtime and Cowlip.

Warnings: Slash, some strong language, homophobia, and in this chapter, some minor violence.

So finally got chapter 7 finished, sorry for the long wait but it took me a long time to decide what to do with this chapter. Thank you to all the people who have stuck with me so far, reviews much appreciated x

Chapter 7: Lying alone in Brian's bed

Michael sneaked quietly up behind Brian but Brian knew he was there.

"You 'no, you'd make a terrible hit man." Brian informed him, catching Michael off-guard.

"Damn-" began Michael, walking next to Brian. "How did you know I was there?"

"Well, duh, my super powers." Said Brian completely seriously, causing Michael to laugh.

"So, do you wanna go get a drink or something?" Asked Michael, "you 'no, seeing that we haven't spent any time together since Justin was in the hospital..."

"I can't-" began Brian, dying a little inside as he saw Mikey's eyes fall. "...Justin still gets a little freaked out when he's on his own to long."

"Oh, okay..." Said Michael, quickly picking himself up. "But, hey! Do you want to go to Comic Con with me next week? I got us passes."

"Dude!" Said Brian in a joking voice. "The kids at school will like, puke, they'll be like...so jealous." He finished unenthusiastically.

Michael rolled his eyes. "You're right, it's a bad idea." Michael went to walk away but Brian's arm snaked out and grabbed his hand. Michael looked back.

"What time?"

Michael smiled. "6 '0 clock next Saturday."

Brian promised his best friend he'd be there and Michael went home happy.

...

Justin was scared by the overwhelming sea of people as he walked down the street. Every time someone brushed past him it felt like another blow. Justin's heart rate increased significantly and he just wanted to run away and hide.

But he could clearly see his target, and that grounded him; Brian.

Brian was holding his arms out, waiting for him, and Justin knew that in a few minutes he'd be safe again.

Staring at his lover, Justin began to think about just how beautiful Brian Kinney was. His lean body was so tanned and strong, Justin's eyes travelled across Brian's slender neck and his soft, full lips but then he lost himself in Brian's giant hazel eyes, with no will to ever be found.

Justin suddenly realised that thinking about Brian was really helping, he must have walked two feet at least. Justin couldn't help but smile slightly as he realised that Brian was helping him to survive without even trying.

Brian watched his boy carefully as he tentatively walked down the street. Brian was trying hard to resist the urge to run to Justin, he instead put his arms out for him.

"Come on, Sonny Boy." Said Brian, not sure if Justin could hear. It then occurred to Brian that he had just called Sunshine; sonny boy. He shook it off as Justin being there when Gus was born, it never occurred to him just how incredibly protective that sentence had been.

Justin looked so vulnerable, Brian just wanted to protect him.

A few minutes passed and Justin reached Brian, Brian immediately enclosed Justin's body into his own and Justin threw his arms almost desperately around Brian, hugging him tightly.

Justin breathed a contented sigh of relief as his body practically melted in Brian's arms.

"I wasn't sure if I could make it." Justin admitted, breaking off from Brian, but Brian didn't remove his arms from around Justin's waist and Sunshine didn't remove his arms from around Brian's neck.

"I was." Said Brian, without a shadow of a doubt.

"I'm glad you have faith in me." Said Justin jokingly.

"Well," began Brian, "you put up with _my _bullshit for a year, didn't you?"

Justin put a hand on Brian's cheek. "That's because I love you more than anything else on the Earth." Brian leaned down and kissed Justin softly.

"And it's not bullshit," Justin clarified, "it's what you believe in. Trust me, your mind is your sexiest feature, you know what you feel and you know what you want."

Brian pulled Justin closer against his body. "I know what I want." He said playfully.

Justin grinned and laughed. "Ever the romantic." He commented.

"Hey, your flattery is only after one thing." Brian joked, Justin couldn't help but jokingly reply; "am I really _that_ transparent?"

...

That night, Brian was walking down the street supposedly alone. When all of a sudden, he saw two young men around Justin's age emerge from the shadows. One of them had noticeably spiky hair whilst the other one had an unattractive tattoo across his face. As the two boys advanced on him, Brian stopped walking.

"It's all your fault, you bastard." One of them spat.

Confused, Brian went to walk away until a fist collided with his head, tearing his lip open. Suddenly, he felt another blow to his eye. With one hand, Brian easily held one of the youths away from his body, sending his elbow into the other guy's face, easily knocking him to the ground. The teenagers' eyes suddenly filled with fear, they hadn't expected Brian to be able to fight them off so easily.

Brian dabbed at his lip. "Go home, kids, and pick on someone _your own_ size."

The one on the floor got up and they both ran away. Brian rolled his eyes, you couldn't even get decent thugs any more.

Brian slid the loft door open and walked in, Sunshine stood up at his arrival.

"Hi..." he began, walking over to his boyfriend. Justin suddenly caught sight of Brian's face and his eyes widened, Brian walked past Justin to put his things down and Justin walked to Brian and took his face in his hands.

Brian sighed as Justin began to examine his injuries.

"What...happened?" Asked Justin, the worry evident in his eyes.

"Two kids just tried to start on me," said Brian, "I scared them off. It wasn't even a fight, I was just caught off-guard." Brian could still see the worry strong in Justin's eyes.

"I'm fine." Brian reassured him.

"What kids?" Asked Justin.

"I dunno, around your age." Said Brian nonchalantly, shrugging out of his jacket. "One had a really ugly tat across his face..."

"Did the other one have spiky hair?" Asked Justin suddenly.

"Yeah..." Said Brian slowly.

Justin ran a hand through his hair. "They're Chris Hobbs' psycho friends, they must have gone after you because his trial is coming up." Said Justin, without thinking.

"One of them did say it was all my fault..." said Brian, before Justin's words sank in and complete shock filled his entire body.

"Chris Hobbs' trial is coming up?"

"Yeah." Said Justin slowly, realising his mistake, eyes meeting the floor.

"How in the fuck did I manage to miss that?" Asked Brian, completely oblivious. Brian looked up to see Justin staring at the floor. "Sunshine...?"

"Everyone decided to keep it a secret from you," Justin admitted, "because the trial fell on the same time as the comic convention with Michael."

Brian was immensely shocked. "So, you just weren't going to tell me?"

Justin shook his head, ashamed.

"I thought I was your partner?" Asked Brian.

"Of course you are," Said Justin, "it was so hard for me to lie to you, but I was doing it for you..."

Justin could tell how angry Brian was, but when Justin went to touch him, Brian walked away and turned his back on Justin, rubbing his eyes. This hurt Justin so much it was like a stab to his heart, Justin was so angry with himself. Fighting off tears, Justin tried to explain himself.

"You've changed so much, for me." Said Justin, "you've stopped tricking and you barely ever go out any more, and I'm not gonna let you sacrifice your friendship with Michael for me."

Brian sighed.

"You love Michael," Justin softly reminded Brian, "not in the same way you love me, but you still love him."

Brian turned to Justin. "When you said that you want my life to go on," Brian began, "you need to understand that you are a part of that life."

Brian walked up to Justin and Justin stared, lost in Brian's eyes, he had a feeling that he would be lost in Brian's eyes forever.

Brian softly stroked Justin's hair. "I understand what you did." Said Brian softly, "I also know that Michael will happily reschedule, I'm going to be there for you."

"I was so scared," Justin admitted, "thinking about having to face the trial without you."

"I don't like that you put my needs above your own." Brian told Justin softly.

Justin gently ran a finger tenderly over Brian's bruised eye. "It's what you do when you love someone."

Brian stared into Justin's eyes.

"I'm sorry I went behind your back." Justin continued, Brian immediately leant down and kissed Justin, and Justin felt well and truly forgiven.

In their bed, Justin softly kissed Brian's injuries, trying to kiss away the pain and making Brian moan as he revelled in Sunshine's tender, healing kisses.

...

"It's messed up, that's what it is." Said Debbie, horrified at Brian's bruising the next day in the diner.

"You should call the police." Said Michael.

"There's no point," said Brian, "they barely grazed me."

"Hobbs and his friends are fucking psycho's," said Debbie, "wait till you see. I called everyone from PFlag, we are gonna pack that court room next Saturday."

Brian looked up at Debbie and she suddenly realised her mistake.

"Next Saturday?" Asked Michael, he looked up at Brian. "Are you going to the trial?"

Brian was upset that he had to hurt his best friend and upset that he had to break a promise.

"I have to." He said softly.

"I understand," Michael smiled, but Brian knew how upset Michael really was.

...

As soon as Brian entered the loft he heard Justin sobbing. Brian walked into the loft and saw Justin, hugging his knees against his chest on the floor and crying. Brian dropped everything he was holding and ran to Justin, getting down onto his knees and holding Justin in his arms.

"I'm...I'm freaking out about the trial," Justin sobbed into Brian's chest, "I can't see him again, I can't go!"

"Hey," Brian soothed Justin, rubbing his arms and planting tender butterfly kisses all over him, after a few minutes, Justin's breathing began to even out and he began to calm down.

"If you don't want to go, you don't have to." Brian told Justin soothingly, rocking him slowly in his arms.

"I won't go either."

Justin stood up. "You have to go." He said, "you have to testify."

"I don't want to leave you on your own." Brian told him.

"I'll be fine," said Justin, "I was actually thinking about spending the night with my Mom, I wanna see her anyway."

Brian didn't answer and Justin got down onto his knees and ran a hand along Brian's cheek.

"I'll dream about you." Justin told Brian, and Brian kissed Justin passionately right there on the floor.

...

At the trial, Brian sat down immediately after his testimony and Debbie squeezed his arm affectionately. Brian smiled gratefully up at his real mother.

The minutes passed like hours as everyone waited for a verdict.

When the judge told the court room that Christopher Hobbs, an upstanding member of St. James academy, was provoked into his attack, you could _smell _the anger in the court room. And Brian struggled to remain seated when Justin's dance with his "older lover" was described as being "highly provocative."

When Hobbs got off with 500 hours of community service, Daphne and Brian looked at each other, then looked at everyone else, but none of them could speak.

PFlag flooded out of the court room in rage and Emmett and Daphne could see the pure fucking _anger_ in Brian's eyes and were honestly afraid.

Debbie was crying with rage. "Hobbs would have got more for attacking a dog!" She screamed. When Chris Hobbs walked out of the court room, Debbie lunged for him and Emmett quickly held her back.

Vic and Daphne shared a look and silently agreed to grab Brian if he so much as moved, but he didn't.

"I'm gonna call every PFlag chapter in the country!" Debbie shouted, "and we are gonna protest and march..."

"I'm gonna go back to Jennifer's," Daphne told Brian, "tell them what happened."

"I'll come with you," said Brian, "I need to be with Justin."

"Actually-" began Daphne, "-it might be better if you don't come, you're really upset and I think you should calm down first."

"Yeah, okay, that makes sense." Brian agreed. "Just, send him my love."

Daphne promised she would, and just before she left, she turned back to Brian. "I like you." She told him.

"I like you, too." Brian told her truthfully.

Brian stood there contemplating what to do, before he got an idea and walked determinedly towards Deb...

Brian stood alone outside of the court house in the crowd of people, silently praying that his and Debbie's idea would work.

Emmett saw Brian standing alone and walked up to him.

"I'm so sorry," Emmett told Brian.

"Don't be," said Brian, smiling shallowly, "there was nothing any one could do."

"Yeah, I guess you're right." Emmett agreed.

Brian looked at Emmett. "If I was ever a dick to you," he began, "I'm sorry about it."

Emmett smiled. "You're my friend," he told Brian, "I'd be more worried if you weren't a dick to me." Emmett and Brian shared a smile and stood in comfortable silence with each other for a minute.

"It's days like this," began Emmett, "it makes you really respect what you've got, I mean, okay, Justin didn't get his justice, but he's alive."

Brian nodded in agreement. "You're right." He told Emmett. As Brian processed Emmett's words, he suddenly realised the perfect way to calm down, _it makes you really respect what you've got..._

...

At the Comic Convention, Michael picked up a very preserved Comic book, balancing it on his head, Michael was shocked at just how straight it was.

"It looks good on you." Said a familiar voice from behind him. Michael took the comic off of his head and turned to see Brian smiling at him.

"Shouldn't you be at the trial?" Michael asked.

"Trials over," answered Brian, "he got off." He said sadly, but with acceptance.

"I'm sorry." Said Michael.

Brian shrugged. "Justin's alive." Said Brian, repeating Emmett's words, "that's all that matters."

"I suppose you're right." Michael agreed. "Shouldn't you be with Justin?"

"Justin's with his mother," said Brian, "and when I was standing outside of that court room, it occurred to me how much I wanted to see you."

Michael began rifting through comics. "Look," he began, "our friendship has moved on since Justin was put in that hospital," and even though Michael was hurt by what he was saying, he understood it, "-and that's okay."

Brian put a hand on Michael's shoulder and Michael turned to face him.

"Some things change," Brian agreed, "but there are some things that aren't meant to." He looked into Mikey's eyes. "I love Justin," Brian told his best friend, "will always love Justin and will always be there for him, but you have been my best friend for all of my life," he held Michael's ever so familiar face in his hands, "and you will be for the rest of it. I got a massive scare when Justin was bashed," Brian admitted, "and I know that I've been very protective and distant to everyone lately, but that doesn't mean that I love you any less than before."

Michael smiled broadly at Brian, glad he hadn't lost him. Brian returned the smile and then grabbed Michael and pulled him to go and have their picture taken with Captain Astro.

The pair goofed around Comic Con just like old times, never changing, because why should they? As Michael grinned at Brian, indulging in one of his greatest pleasures, Brian was proud that Michael Novotny was one of his most precious possessions.

But as Brian and Mikey ran around Comic Con, rekindling their treasured friendship; Brian Kinney's other most precious possession clutched onto a pillow, silently begging for his soul mate to come home.

Justin was lying alone in Brian's bed as he cried.


	8. Chapter 8: Let you fall away

If I could just have one last dance with you...

Disclaimer: I do not own Queer as Folk or any of the characters, they belong to Showtime and Cowlip.

Warnings: Slash, some strong language, homophobia and in this chapter, a minor drug reference and minor mentions of alcohol abuse and child abuse.

Okay, sorry for the long wait people, I've been busy working on another ongoing story idea for QAF that I hope to get started soon x So, chapter 8! Hope you enjoy and thank you for all of the people who have stuck with me so far and are continuing to read after my cruel chapter seven. Reviews much appreciated x

Chapter 8: Let you fall away

Brian opened the loft door at 8 0' clock in the morning, head still pounding slightly from his and Mikey's drinking game the previous night. When he closed the loft door, however, the first thing he saw was Sunshine, sat on the sofa with his arms crossed.

"You're back." Said Brian, quite aware that he was stating the obvious, he was just glad to see his Sunshine again. It had been too long.

Justin looked up at Brian. "Where have you been?" He abruptly asked his lover, and Brian couldn't miss the steely glare in Justin's usually soft eyes.

A little shocked, Brian walked deeper into the loft. "I...was with Michael," he said, "I ended up going to the Comic Convention after the trial, I stayed the night at his because I couldn't face coming home to an empty bed." Brian was a little shocked at how easily it had been for him to admit that, especially to Sunshine. Brian had to keep reminding himself that he had someone managed to turn into a giant ball of fluff, the weirdest part was that he didn't feel any different. Well, he certainly felt _happier, _and less alone.

"Oh," said Justin, losing some of the fire in his eyes, he looked down at the floor.

Brian looked tentatively at Justin. "did...err...Did Daphne tell you..."

"She did." Justin replied, suddenly very icy again.

"Justin," began Brian calmly, "why are you so angry?"

"BECAUSE CHRIS FUCKING HOBBS GOT OFF!" Justin shouted, losing his temper in a fraction of a second.

Brian, completely taken aback, slowly walked over to Sunshine and sat down next to him on the sofa.

"What happened..." he began, "that wasn't right, but it still happened."

Justin sighed.

"All you should do now is concentrate moving on," Brian continued, "and concentrate on starting art college next week."

"Yeah." Justin agreed softly, he knew Brian was right.

Brian began stroking Justin's hair softly. "So, how was your night with your mother?"

"Not much fun without you." Justin admitted softly. He then put his arm around Brian's neck and stared deeply into his eyes. "But you're here now." He finished off, and kissed Brian with all the passion that he had.

Brian could immediately feel the desperation behind Justin's kiss, but decided it would be better of he didn't question it.

...

Justin was stood in the art classroom, he was staring intently at the model he was drawing and concentrating on his picture. He wasn't doing to badly, and his body was filled with an indescribable high that he could finally hold a pencil to paper again.

But then, without warning, Justin's whole hand began to shake and convulse and he had to fight to keep his pencil in his hand.

"Justin..." Came a voice from behind him, Justin turned to see his art teacher staring intently at him. Justin quickly stretched out his hand until it stopped shaking.

"Are you okay?" His art teacher asked.

"Of course I am." Said Justin, technically he was only half-lying, and he continued to draw, trying with all his might to ignore the throbbing pain in his hand.

...

Justin sat alone in the art classroom after everyone had gone home, he was prodding carefully at his hand. Confused by the way it would twitch without Justin's permission.

Justin looked up as he saw the head professor of his course at PIFA walk in. "Are you all right, Justin?" He asked.

"Of course I am." Justin answered, repeating the same half-lie from earlier.

The professor nodded slightly. "How's your hand?" He asked, raising an eyebrow slightly as he saw Justin cradling his hand in his other.

"It's fine," Justin smiled, "getting better at least, my boyfriend has been helping me with some exercises."

"Your normal teacher told me that you lost control of your hand in class today." The professor told Justin.

"Oh, just for a second." Said Justin, grinning slightly and trying to play it down.

The professor sighed slightly. "Justin, what happened to you was awful, truly awful, but, if you don't feel that you can live up to all of the aspects that this course requires, then maybe you should reconsider continuing with it."

As soon as his professor left, Justin began to cry. He began to cry at what Chris Hobbs had done to him, his whole life was ruined and it was all Hobbs' fault. And Brian...Brian, Justin was so deeply hurt by Brian leaving him alone the other night. _Chris Hobbs had ruined my life_, Justin thought, _and Brian left me, Brian left me...how could he do that to me?_

And as all of these conflicting emotions of pain and betrayal overwhelmed Justin; something in his mind snapped.

...

Brian was wandering the streets alone that night, the sky was dark and Brian was freaking out because he couldn't find Justin. Thinking it through, Brian decided upon his first move.

Jennifer Taylor opened the door to a very worried looking Brian Kinney, Jennifer was instantly worried.

"Brian...?" She asked, "what...come in! Come in!"

Brian walked into Jennifer's home. "Can I get you anything?" She asked him.

"No, I'm all right," said Brian, smiling slightly. "Actually, I don't mean to bother you..."

"It's never any bother." Jennifer assured him, Brian was her son now.

Brian smiled again. Jennifer was his mother now. Besides Deb, that was. "I was just wondering if you've seen..."

"Mom." Molly called, making the word three syllables, walking into the room. "I want..." as soon as she saw Brian there, she stopped in her tracks. "Who are you?" She asked.

"Molly!" Jennifer exclaimed, "don't be rude."

"I'm the monster that steals the children who aren't in bed at night." Brian joked, raising an eyebrow. Molly gave Brian a funny look and then left the room. Jennifer couldn't help but giggle.

"I have never been able to get that girl to stop talking." Jennifer told Brian.

Brian shrugged. "It's better than, "Oh, hey, I'm your brothers 30 year old boyfriend.""

"Oh, right, 'cause, "I'm the monster who's gonna eat you" is just great." Brian and Jennifer laughed for a minute, Brian really did like Jennifer. But then he suddenly remembered why he was there.

"Hang on," said Brian, "I'm getting distracted, I was just wondering if you've seen Justin at all?"

The humour immediately left Jennifer's eyes and was replaced by her former worry.

"I haven't seen him." Said Jennifer, "is everything okay?"

"Yeah," said Brian, "He's...err...he's probably with a friend, Daphne or something, I mean, we don't keep tabs on each other or anything, I guess I just freaked out when I couldn't find him at the loft, he's still kinda...vulnerable, you 'no?"

"Yeah," Jennifer agreed, "and you're probably right, I'll...err...I'll call him, and call you if I hear anything."

Brian nodded. "thanks, I've tried him phone a few times, but he didn't pick up."

Jennifer and Brian shared a warm goodbye and as Brian left, Jennifer couldn't help but smile in his direction.

When Brian walked out onto the street, he was still as worried as before. He ran a hand through his hair and contemplated what the hell he was gonna do, when suddenly, his phone rang in his pocket. He checked the caller ID, it was Michael.

"Mikey," said Brian, as soon as he answered the phone.

"I've found Justin." Michael said immediately, "He's at Woody's."

Brian's eyebrows shot up in shock. "What's he doing there?"

"I don't know," said Michael, "but he looks drunk, I think you should get over here."

Brian immediately made his way to Woody's, not only was he shocked, but he was also worried. As soon as he walked in, it occurred to him how long it had been since he'd actually been there on his own terms. He waved over to Michael, who was sat at one of the tables with Ted and Emmett. Brian immediately turned to the sound of familiar laughter, admittedly laughter Brian hadn't heard in a long time.

...

"Can you believe it?" Ted said to Emmett, "Brian Kinney has grown a heart."

"Brian's always had a heart." Said Michael, annoyed when people made these kinds of comments about his best friend. "He's just never found anyone to give it to, someone he could trust to take care of it."

"Sunshine would protect Brian's heart with his life." Said Emmett confidently.

"That's the thing I worry about though," said Michael, "anything happens to Justin's life, then what the hell will happen to Brian's heart?"

"Brian wouldn't let anything happen to his Sunshine." Said Emmett. "You know that."

"I know," said Michael, "but I also know that there are things that Brian can't control, I mean, you should have seen him in that hospital when Justin was in his coma. Makes me wonder what dark place Brian would be in right now if Justin never made it."

...

Brian saw Justin, downing a shot of something and being easily chatted up by the guy who was sat next to him at the bar. Brian could feel the anger bubbling up in his stomach and he resisted the urge to go and punch the stranger. Brian walked over to Justin, he didn't have nay real plan, he just needed to separate Justin from this man.

Justin glanced around the room and saw Brian walking towards him, a smile crossed Justin's face as Brian approached them, he immediately flung an arm around Brian's shoulder and kissed him drunkenly, by way of a welcome.

Justin turned to the stranger. "Sorry, but you can't have me," Justin turned back to Brian, "I've been saving myself for him." The stranger huffed and walked off. Mainly because he'd just found out that Justin wasn't interested, but the look in Brian's eyes had definitely sped things up a little bit.

"You're drunk." Brian pointed out.

Justin laughed. "You noticed."

"Why didn't you tell me where you were?" Asked Brian, trying to make the worry in his voice less noticeable, yet he doubted Justin would notice anyway.

"I didn't think I had to." Justin laughed, moving his body to the song that was playing in the bar.

"No..." began Brian, suddenly realising that a few months ago, he would have done exactly the same thing. "Of course you don't, I was just worried."

"Oh my God!" Said Justin, meeting Brian's eyes and looking shocked, "I didn't think about that!" He wailed. "I am so sorry, Brian! Oh God, please forgive me!"

Brian was immensely shocked at just how drunk Justin was.

"Why aren't you at home, resting for school tomorrow?" Asked Brian.

"I quit." Said Justin happily, sounding almost proud of himself.

"What?" Asked Brian, shocked. "Why?"

"Well, I can't draw any more," began Justin, "there's no point, Chris Hobbs won, and I don't have anybody to make it better."

"You know that's not true." Said Brian softly. "You have me, you'll always have me."

"DONT. YOU. _DARE, _LIE TO ME!" Justin screamed at Brian, anger flaring up in his eyes. Every single person in the bar turned to stare at them. "My life is a fucking mess!"

Brian was completely stunned and could do nothing but stare at Justin as he shouted at him.

"My killer is on the loose and he can come after me any time he wants! I can't draw any more and I've done it! I've lost the one thing in my life I _knew _I couldn't live without!"

"Justin, what...?" began Brian weakly, finally beginning to find his voice again.

"My faith in you!" Justin screamed, the tears streaming down his face. "And my trust in your love!"

Brian was completely shocked and immensely wounded by Justin's piercing words, and he could do nothing but stare on, speechless, as Sunshine stormed out of the bar.

...

"Thanks for meeting me." Said Brian, as Jennifer sat down at the table in the café they had decided to meet up in. Brian couldn't help but feel slightly out of his comfort zone as he saw all of the heterosexual couples and families.

"It's no problem," Jennifer smiled, "you're having a tough time of it lately, aren't you?" She asked knowingly.

"How could you tell?" Asked Brian sarcastically.

"Well, for one thing, you look terrible," she said, "did you sleep last night?"

"Not really," Brian admitted, "I was thinking."

Jennifer nodded. "I know what it's like to be up all night worrying about Justin," she smiled slightly at Brian, "fortunately for me, I had nothing to worry about."

Brian couldn't help smiling at Jennifer. Then he sighed.

"Well, I'm not trying to worry you even more, but, you're his mother. You know him better than I do."

Jennifer raised an eyebrow, Brian chose to ignore that.

"Well, my _point,_" Brian continued, "is that I'm not sure how to deal with wayward teenagers, my son is only 1, so..."

"What's the problem?" Asked Jennifer.

Brian sighed. "I think...I think Justin is developing an alcohol dependency."

"What?" Asked Jennifer softly, stunned.

"As an escape," Brian continued, "ever since he quit art school, I think the pain of not being able to draw is getting to him."

"But he will be able to draw again."Jennifer pressed.

"I know that," said Brian. "But I don't think he believes it, at least not any more." Brian sighed and looked down. "When he was first in rehab, he just _knew _he was gonna prove that Doctor wrong, Jen, he was so determined, he's _always _been determined; getting me, staying with me, setting up that gay/straight student alliance, getting out of that hospital, and now, that determination has left his eyes, his heart." Brian looked up at Jennifer weakly. "He's given up, Jen. He's given up on his life and he doesn't trust me to make it better any more."

"I'll try to talk to him, Brian." Jennifer promised, "he might listen to me."

Brian nodded. "Thanks."

"Why doesn't he trust you?" Asked Jennifer.

"I have no idea." Said Brian, "I mean, he was fine before the trial, and afterwards I knew he'd be angry, but, I didn't think he'd be angry with me. And he seemed really angry that I was with Mikey after the trial, but he was with you, so I don't understand..."

Something clicked in Jennifer's mind. "Brian..." she said slowly, "Justin didn't spend the night with me."

"What?" Asked Brian, looking immediately up at Jennifer.

"After Daphne came back and told us what happened, he said he wanted to go home, he wanted to be with you."

"Oh...my God." Said Brian, "I spend the night with Michael! I...I thought he was with you! Oh, God, I didn't know! He must have been waiting for me."

_I would have been angry with me, too._

_..._

Brian was sat on the sofa in the loft, trying mercilessly to finish his new ad campaign, but he couldn't rid his mind of what he was going to say when Justin walked through that door, and he also couldn't rid his mind of all the worry he felt if Justin didn't walk through that door.

He looked up immediately as he heard the loft door slide open, and was relieved when Justin walked in. But Brian's relief was short lived as Justin stumbled in and could barely keep his footing.

Brian immediately crossed over to him and took Sunshine in his arms, steadying him.

"Sunshine, what are you on?" Asked Brian softly.

"E." Justin replied simply, smiling up at him.

"And you're drunk." Said Brian, smelling the alcohol on him.

"Yeah." Justin laughed.

"You 'no, that's not a good mix." Brian warned his boyfriend.

"Why?" Asked Justin, "you do it all the time!" He walked away from Brian.

"Did." Said Brian, under his breath. He walked over to Justin.

"Justin, we..."

"Shhhh." Said Justin, placing a finger over Brian's lips. "You're mouth can be doing better things."

Justin leant in and kissed Brian drunkenly, Brian kissed Justin back for a moment and then broke him off, holding Justin gently but firmly back with his arms. He had experience dealing with drunks.

"Don't you want me?" Asked Justin playfully.

"I always want you." Brian assured him, "but we need to talk."

"About what?" Asked Justin.

Brian clenched his eyes briefly. "About the other night," he said, "your mother said you came home."

Brian winced as he saw a tear slide down Justin's face. "Yeah, I came home." Justin stepped away from Brian. "Daphne came back and told us that Hobbs got off and the first thought I had was how much I wanted you to hold me. So I came home, but you weren't there. I laid in bed all night, waiting for you and crying when you didn't turn up."

Brian looked down to the floor, feeling instantaneously furious with himself.

...

"Brian, can you go down to the art department and check on the boards for Remson's new account?" Said Ryder, popping his head around the door of Brian's office.

Brian looked up from his computer screen. "Yeah, sure." Said Brian, he stood up and did up the buttons of his expensive suit jacket and walked down to the art department.

"Hey, Brian." Said Charlie, one of the workers there. He got up from the computer desk he was working at to shake Brian's hand. Brian liked Charlie, aside from Cynthia, he was the only other person in the firm that Brian was actually friends with.

"How's Justin?" Asked Charlie.

"Not to great," Brian admitted, "but he'll get there. Thanks for asking, I'll pass it on."

Charlie nodded, smiling.

"Anyway," continued Brian, "Ryder wants me to check on the designs you lot have come up with for the Remson account."

"Oh, sure." Said Charlie, sitting back down at his computer desk. "Take a seat and I'll show you."

Brian pulled a chair up to the desk and undid his suit jacket, he sat down. As he looked at the design on the computer, he realised that he didn't recognise this type of computer. Charlie picked up some form of electronic pencil and began adding to his drawing, Charlie's hand glided over the screen with no real effort at all, Brian watched intently, but he was barely listening to any thing Charlie was saying.

"That's amazing." Said Brian.

"Thanks, Brian."

Brian laughed slightly. "Oh, I like your stuff too, but I meant this thing," he indicated to the computer, "what is this?"

"Oh, this?" Asked Charlie. "It's new, state-of-the-art, it's an easier way to write and draw really, they've issued them out to every one in business working in a form of animated art. They say it's easier and more efficient, here." He handed Brian the electronic pencil, "try it out."

Brian drew a simple flower, he'd never claimed to be much of an artist. But at the same time, he was no stranger to a pencil and paper, and this was a totally different playing field.

"Feel how easily your hand glides?" Said Charlie.

"Yeah." Brian agreed, feeling it, "I could draw for hours and never get tired, and it's so easy to control."

"Exactly," grinned Charlie, "that's basically how they marketed it, you get less tired so more drawing time, and it's easier to control."

"See that," Brian grinned, "great advertising executives think alike."

Charlie laughed, he'd always liked Brian, and he'd always felt a bit flattered that Brian liked him.

"Well, if you're interested, there's an employee discount on all computer equipment."

"Really?" Asked Brian, turning the electronic pencil over in his hand and seeing nothing but Sunshine in his head. "That is interesting."

...

"Do you want to go to Babylon with me?" Asked Justin, walking up to Brian as he was doing sit ups in the loft's living room.

"Are you sure you're ready for Babylon?" Asked Brian, sitting up and grabbing a towel from the sofa.

"Yeah," Justin laughed, "question is, are you? When was the last time you went?"

"The night before your prom." Brian answered, "I didn't exactly have the time after that."

"Well," said Justin, brushing off the pain of his prom, "now you do, are you coming?"

Brian stared at Justin, he was still bleeding from Justin's words the other night and he had spent every single second since then wondering if Justin still loved him, and hating himself for what he did. But seeing the hope in Justin's eyes, Brian couldn't say no to him.

"Err...sure, okay, I'll come."

"Yay!" Exclaimed Justin. "Get dressed."

"In a sec," said Brian, suddenly smiling. "There's something I wanna show you first."

"Oh?" Asked Justin, instantly intrigued.

"Come on," said Brian playfully, leading Justin to the other side of the loft where he had the computer set up for him.

"Come look what I got you."

Justin took one look at the computer and knew exactly what it was. "I don't want it." He said, walking away.

"You don't even know what it is." Said Brian.

"Yeah, I do." Said Justin, turning back to Brian. "It's false hope."

"No, look..." said Brian, kneeling down in front of the computer and doing a quick doodle. "I saw it at work today, you can draw with it, just like a pen or a pencil, just easier to control, you 'no, to get you through art college until your hand heals enough to draw on it's own."

Justin huffed.

"Will you stop being a drama queen and come try it out?" Asked Brian.

"Why?" Asked Justin. "So you can make yourself feel better? You fixed little Justin's problem? So you don't have to feel guilty about leaving me the other night?"

Brian looked down, ashamed. "Justin, I..."

"Look, it's over!" Justin exploded angrily. "My whole life is over and I will never be able to draw again! Except that! Chris Hobbs saw to that! And no fucking electronic crayola box is gonna fix that!" Justin looked like he was about to cry and Brian just wanted to put his arms around him.

"Now are you coming to Babylon or not?" Asked Justin, stalking off.

Even though Brian wasn't exactly in the party mood, he quickly dressed and followed Justin out of the loft. At least he could keep Justin safe, even if Justin didn't believe it any more.

...

It was the next day and Brian was idly flicking through channels. Justin then arrived home and walked straight past him. "Thank you very much." He said sarcastically.

"What did I do?" Asked Brian.

"My Mom is really worried about me!" Said Justin, walking to Brian, "she thinks I'm some sort of alcoholic, why did you tell her?"

"I had to do something!" Said Brian.

"You ran to my Mom?" Asked Justin incredulously.

"I did whatever I could to help you. Your Mom cares about you, not all of us are lucky enough to get that."

"Oh, so _now _you want to help me." Said Justin.

Brian sighed and stood up. "I thought me spending the evening with Michael was what you wanted, you even lied to me about the trial so I would spend time with him."

This stopped Justin in his tracks slightly. "Yeah, I did." He admitted carefully.

"I didn't come to Jennifer's because me and Daphne both agreed that the last thing you would need was me ready to rip someone's head off."

"I guess so." Said Justin, and he couldn't help but understand the reasoning.

"I have a problem with you abusing alcohol," Brian admitted finally. "I don't mean drinking, because I'm not a hypocrite, it's just abusing alcohol that bothers me."

"Why?" Asked Justin softly.

Brian closed his eyes for a second. "My father...was a drunk, an abusive drunk," Brian looked down for a second. "He used to drink every night, and when it got to the point where he couldn't hit me any more, we'd argue so badly I didn't even know who he was any more." Brian sighed as Justin listened intently. He'd had no idea. Suddenly, Justin understood why Brian was so cold before, Justin hated that, he hated that he wasn't around to protect Brian.

"I'm not trying to get you to feel sorry for me," Brian told him, "I just know how easy it is to lose a person to alcohol," Brian looked up at Justin, "I don't wanna lose you."

Justin was incredibly touched by Brian's words, and couldn't help a tear from escaping.

"I really, really hate myself for what I did to you," Brian went on. "I was so wrong, not being there for you when you needed me." Brian's forehead creased slightly as he looked at the only man he'd ever love. "I don't deserve you." Said Brian softly. "And I'm not trying to get you to love me again, I'm just trying to get you to stop hurting yourself." Brian then repeated Justin's own words; "I don't care about what happens to me, all I care about is that your life has to go on."

And in that moment, from hearing his own words, Justin suddenly remembered how much he loved Brian, how much he'd always loved Brian and how much he always would. Brian was the one, for Justin. There would never be any one else. Any one else as incredible,as indescribable, as beautiful. As Justin looked at the man he loved, he realised that no one else had the ability to make him feel the way he did when Brian looked at him. Justin felt so useless next to Brian and yet so needed _by_ him, so worthless next to Brian but so special _to_ him, and so insignificant next to Brian but so alive _for _him.

No one would be there for him like Brian, and Justin realised that if they weren't Brian, he wouldn't want them there. Brian had saved him, waited for him, prayed he'd be okay. Brian had helped him through rehab, in the hospital, he'd helped Justin go outside and come home and he'd looked after him and helped him to remember. Brian had been so loving, so caring and attentive and patient. Justin suddenly felt so incredible bad for being angry at Brian for spending one night with Michael, especially when Brian didn't know, and had thought he was safe with his mother.

Justin walked up to Brian and stroked a hand through Brian's soft, dark hair and stared deeply into his eyes. Justin needed to embed what he was going to say into Brian's soul.

"I was angry with you," Justin admitted truthfully, "but I _never _stopped loving you."

Justin could see Brian's eyes turn to liquid. "You were there for me, so much." Justin continued, "in the hospital, at the prom, in rehab, even here, every single thing you did for me, you did it alone, and I didn't even realise." Justin couldn't stop the tears from escaping. "I am so sorry I was angry for you being with Michael, you didn't do anything wrong, and I'm so sorry for making you worry about me and telling you I'd lost faith in you, I know now that that's not true, I don't want to lose you, Brian."

"Hey," said Brian soothingly, taking Justin in his strong arms, and Justin felt so incredibly safe right where he was he wanted to stay there forever.

"You are never gonna lose me, I could never let you go."

"My life isn't in a great place right now," said Justin, "you're the only thing that's keeping me from falling over the edge."

Brian took Justin's chin in his fingers and eased Justin's face up to his own. Justin could do nothing but stare helplessly into Brian's eyes.

"You're not falling anywhere," Brian promised softly, "you belong right here." Brian lifted Justin's hand and pressed it against his chest, right over his heart.

They never broke eye contact as Justin felt Brian's soft skin and steady heartbeat beneath his fingers.

"In my heart." Brian whispered.

Justin suddenly reached up on his tiptoes and kissed Brian passionately, completely giving himself over to his man. Brian returned the kiss with all of the passion in his being, making Justin his.

When the kiss ended, Justin rested his tired head on Brian's shoulder. Brian tightened his hold on him and could feel Sunshine melt into his arms. This simple gesture was enough to show Brian just how much Justin trusted him.

"I'm never gonna let you fall from my heart, Sunshine, and I'm never gonna let you fall away from yours," Brian promised, whispering in Justin's ear, "I am never gonna let you fall away from me."

And as Justin fell asleep in the arms of his true love, lulled to sleep by Brian's heartbeat, he knew now that he had never lost his faith in Brian, or his trust in Brian's love. And as he trusted every single word Brian said with all of his heart, he didn't think he ever could.

Brian wasn't ever gonna let him fall away, he belonged in Brian's heart.


	9. Chapter 9: Always be perfect to me

If I could just have one last dance with you...

Disclaimer: I do not own Queer as Folk or any of the characters, they belong to Showtime and Cowlip, I also do not own the song "Save the last dance for me" by The Drifters.

Warnings: Slash, some strong language, homophobia and in this chapter, some minor alcohol abuse, offensive language and minor violence.

I can't believe I'm posting chapter 9 of this story! Thank you so much to every single person who has read and reviewed, I'm writing this for you, I hope you enjoy! Reviews much appreciated x

Chapter 9: Always be perfect to me

It was midday on a Saturday and Justin grabbed his keys and headed for the door of the loft.

"Why don't you stay a while?" Asked Brian softly, walking up behind him. Justin hadn't been great since they'd talked about his alcohol dependency, but he'd definitely gotten better, and Brian was definitely glad that he and Justin were okay again, after everything Chris Hobbs did, there was no way Brian was going to let him drive a wedge between them.

"Can't, sorry." Said Justin, turning around to face Brian. "I'm going out."

"But it's noon!" Said Brian, shocked.

"Well, It's not like I have anything better to do!" Justin retorted angrily, quickly losing his temper. Justin had been turning into a bad tempered sting ray over the last few weeks.

Brian's forehead creased slightly in pain as Justin shouted and Justin's anger suddenly melted away.

"There was just something I wanted to show you." Said Brian softly. Justin felt instantly bad for being angry, Brian hadn't done anything wrong, and seeing his lover in pain was the single most upsetting thing he had ever seen.

Justin walked over to Brian. "I'm sorry." He apologised, putting his arms around Brian, he kissed Brian softly as he rubbed his back tenderly. Brian smiled weakly at Justin, and Justin could tell the smile was slightly forced. Not because Brian was getting tired with him, but simply because Brian was just tired, he'd been going non-stop at work and had been looking after Justin whilst still managing to find time to spend with his friends and with Gus. He'd also been to see Debbie a lot over the last few weeks, but he had refused to tell Justin why.

"What was it that you wanted to show me?" Asked Justin, smiling reassuringly.

Brian grinned and Justin and walked over to the loft's living room, Justin followed. Brian picked up the remote from the sofa and turned the TV on. Justin watched the news channel, there were hundreds of protesters walking up and down streets, shouting chants that Justin couldn't quite make out, Justin's forehead creased slightly in confusion as many of the signs the protesters were carrying read:

SAVE OUR SUNSHINE.

"Brian, what...?" Asked Justin, confused even more by the large grin that dominated Brian's face. Justin couldn't help the feeling of happiness consume him when Brian smiled, it felt as if Brian hadn't smiled in a long time.

Justin was brought out of his little daydream as the news reader began to speak.

"It seems as though nearly every PFlag chapter in the country had turned out to try and overturn Christopher Hobbs sentencing," began the news reader, "we have hundreds of protesters, gay, lesbian and straight, who have been marching nearly all night outside city hall trying to convince authorities to overturn Christopher Hobbs lenient sentencing after his vicious attack on gay teen, Justin Taylor. Attacked at his prom..."

Shocked and stunned, Justin walked slowly closer to the television.

"What?" He asked Brian, astounded.

"Debbie was so angry at your trial-" began Brian, "she said she was going to get every PFlag chapter in the country to protest, looks like she did." Brian wasn't lying, he just wasn't telling Justin the whole truth.

Justin couldn't help the tears stream down his face. "Everyone...did this for me?" He asked.

Brian smiled softly. "If we don't look after each other, who will?"

...

Justin was sat alone in a bar on liberty avenue, nursing a drink. He was still in shock and awe from all of the protestors that had turned out to support him. Looking down at his drink and thinking about all of the supporters, he realised that he didn't want to drink it. He knew that it wasn't healthy for him and he also knew that it wouldn't help anything, but above everything else, he now knew that it hurt Brian.

_I know how easy it is to lose a person to alcohol, I don't want to lose you._

Justin could hear nothing but Brian's words in his head and could see nothing but Brian's face.

_If I can't do this for me, I can do this for you. _Justin thought, getting up from his bar stool and exiting the bar, leaving his untouched drink, and his alcohol dependency, behind him.

Walking down the dark streets of Liberty Avenue, Justin just wanted to go home to Brian, snuggle safely in his arms and fall asleep. Justin still found it hard to believe that Brian had changed so much, changed for him. Justin was still expecting to go back to the loft and finding Brian fucking some guy, or drunk, or telling him to get the fuck out. But he never did, he was always waiting, arms open and relief across his beautiful face. It made Justin wonder what kind of hell Brian went through, sitting in that hospital, and even though Justin would do anything to change things so Brian would never have gone through that pain, he had two reasons niggling in the back of his brain to question his own thoughts.

A, whatever thing changed in Brian's brain that night, if it hadn't, and he had continued pretending to be heartless and continued pushing Justin away, Brian would have continued being alone, these past months had been the happiest Justin had ever seen Brian. And B, Justin would forever be grateful that Chris Hobbs had decided to go after him with a baseball bat, because there was a 50% chance that he could have gone after Brian. If their positions had been reversed, Justin knew that he wouldn't have been able to cope. He knew he'd never be able to as strong as Brian had been for him, and he also knew that he would never be able to do it alone.

It also made Justin wonder where Brian would be right now if he'd never woken up.

Shaking off those unpleasant thoughts from his brain and smiling his Sunshine smile as he walked towards the loft; a movement in the shadows thwarted his journey.

Justin immediately lost his footing and fell to the ground as Chris Hobbs emerged from the shadows. Justin had been totally unprepared for a confrontation with Hobbs, and every time he imagined it, Brian had always been right next to him.

"You little cocksucker!" Hobbs shouted, although he looked smug, watching Justin trembling on the ground. "You and your fag posse are making me go to re-trial!" He shouted, "I might go inside for fuck all!"

"I might get justice!" Justin shouted. Hobbs advanced and pulled Justin up by his hair and Justin cried out, Chris clenched his fist and Justin closed his eyes.

"JUSTIN?" A familiar voice called, Justin couldn't help grinning in relief and elation as he and Hobbs turned to see Brian running towards them.

"You little fucker," said Brian, grabbing Hobbs by the throat and yanking him off of Justin with a strength Justin didn't know Brian possessed, "you're not getting away this time."

"Brian!" Justin breathed.

"Sunshine," said Brian, relieved, pulling Justin into a comforting hug with his free arm, "are you okay?"

"Yeah," said Justin, burying his head safely in Brian's chest. "what are you doing here?"

"I came looking for you," Brian admitted, "to tell you Chris Hobbs was going to be re-trialled," he turned to Hobbs, "but apparently, he couldn't wait to tell you himself."

"You're behind this, aren't you?" Hobbs spat, "you fucking faggot."

Brian was silent for a second. "Whoever's' behind it," he said finally, "you will pay for what you did to Sunshine, and now we can throw assault in there, too."

And Justin laughed, proper, free laughter for the first time in too long, and in that second, Brian knew he existed for Sunshine, and every single step in his life had brought him to him.

...

There were so many PFlag members at Chris Hobbs re-trial that there wasn't enough room, but that didn't stop them from making as much noise as they could outside. When Justin, Brian and the rest of their family had arrived, they had genuinely spent two hours thanking all of the supporters and had been reduced to tears many times, even Brian Kinney had shed a tear or two, no matter how much he had tried to deny it.

The courtroom was so packed with supporters that people were standing at the back, but the first few rows were reserved for the Liberty family; Lindsay, Melanie, Ted, Emmett, Michael, a man called, Ben? Brian thought, he didn't know him too well, but planned on giving him the "rules on dating Mikey" talk, Deb, Vic, Jennifer, Daphne, Brian and Justin. Justin was squeezing into Brian's hand so hard he was sure it must be hurting him, but if it was, Brian never said a thing.

They were all holding each other's hands, a simple gesture to show Hobbs, his family and his attorney on the other side of the courtroom, that they were united, they were a family; and they were not going to back down.

They all stood as the judge took his seat, it was a different judge than last time, which could only be a good sign.

"Is this one a homophobe, too?" Debbie whispered, as they all re-took their seats.

"No." Mel grinned, "we might actually be in for a fair trial."

"Or maybe this judge is scared of getting _his _ass glued to a toilet seat." Michael pointed out. They all had a hard time concealing their laughter and many of them gave Brian high fives under the benches.

"We are all here today to witness the re-trial of Christopher Hobbs against Justin Taylor-" began the Judge, "and even though he pleaded guilty, I have to agree with the many supporters here today that his sentence was far too lenient for such a violent, hate-filled crime." No one in the courtroom could believe their ears.

"And, apparently, many people in the homosexual community agree with me," the Judge continued, "as we wouldn't be here today if it weren't for the protesting organised by Mrs. Deborah Novotny and Mr. Brian Kinney." Many of the people in the courtroom burst into applause and Justin stared, speechless, at Brian. Brian simply smiled at him and didn't say a word. Once the courtroom was silenced the judge continued.

"It has become clear, I think, to everyone in this courtroom that Christopher Hobbs cannot be trusted, as, not only did he viciously attack Mr. Taylor at his prom, but he also assaulted him again two nights ago, and both times he was apprehended by Brian Kinney, who testified in the first trial that Christopher Hobbs' attack on Justin Taylor was unprovoked, and, as Mr. Kinney is the only witness to both of these crimes, his account of the events has to be taken into account, something I believe was overlooked during the last trial." Everybody in the courtroom was holding their breath.

"It seems Mr. Hobbs assaulted Mr. Taylor because he was sent to re-trail, and in my opinion, that means that his attack was unprovoked, which leads me to believe that his previous attack, was also unprovoked. I have, of course, examined all of the evidence from the events that took place," he held up a file, "something, I believe, the previous Judge also overlooked." He read from the file.

"It states here from a statement from Miss. Daphne Chanders, that Mr. Kinney showed up to Mr. Taylor's prom and the two engaged in a ballroom dance to the song "Save the last dance for me," by the Drifters, and many other students at St. James academy, agreed to this statement. Is this statement correct, Miss Chanders?" He asked.

"Yes, your honour." Answered Daphne strongly from the stand.

The Judge nodded. "Personally, I never remembered that _specific_ song to be "provocative." " Chris Hobbs buried his face in his hands.

"And, Mr. Kinney," said the Judge, getting Brian's attention, Brian made his way to the stand and took the oath, Justin never took his eyes off of him.

"Your statement says that, you and Mr. Taylor then proceeded to the parking lot, in which you kissed and said your farewells, and as Mr. Taylor was walking away, from the rear-view mirror of your Jeep, you saw Mr. Hobbs advance on him with a baseball bat."

"Yes, your honour." Brian answered. The Judge then read directly off of the statement, repeating Brian's words.

""I ran after them but they were too far away, when I reached them, Christopher Hobbs had already swung and sent Justin Taylor to the ground. I immediately chased Christopher Hobbs away and hit him to the ground with his own weapon, then proceeded back to Justin Taylor who was lying unconscious on the concrete, when I took him into my arms, there was too much blood to see the full extent of his injuries." Is this correct, Mr. Kinney?"

"Yes." Brian answered quietly.

"That must have been very traumatic for you." Said the Judge kindly, and Brian instantly liked the man.

When Brian was seated almost everybody touched him comfortingly.

"And, then, from the evidence I have," the Judge continued, "Mr. Taylor was in a coma for two weeks and rehabilitation for several months, and to this day still has multiply problems with his motor functions and for a short time, had no recollection of the nights events, while Christopher Hobbs was sentenced to 500 hours of community service." He looked down on Chris. "I hope you realise the seriousness of your crime, young man, that is not the type of sentence we award for attempted murder, whether the person is homosexual, heterosexual, disabled or a war hero, in my courtroom, we are all equal, in my courtroom, we serve justice, I would just like to apologise for the serious miscalculation taken in the first trial." He looked directly at Justin as he said this.

It felt like hours as they all waited for the verdict, but they certainly had a lot to talk about.

"This is actually looking..." began Debbie, unable to get the words out.

"I can't believe what you did." Justin said to Brian.

"It was just some protests," Brian defended.

"Along with everything else you've done for me." Said Justin, he leaned forward and kissed Brian, and both of them hoped to God that Chris Hobbs could see them.

The Judge came back into the courtroom looking down at a piece of paper.

"Considering the hate crime that this offense was based on," he began, "and the unprovoked assault leading to Christopher Hobbs' second offense, the court finds Christopher Hobbs guilty, and the punishment will be a prison sentence - indefinitely."

Chris Hobbs began to cry and every single person who was with Justin Taylor stood and cheered and screamed and whooped, several, including Debbie and Emmett, ran to shake the Judge's hand. Several people also jumped on Justin and Brian and Jennifer hugged, it felt like they'd both received their pay check for all of the time and effort they put in, but they both knew that their real reward was seeing Justin's smile every day. The celebration lead into the streets and would definitely make the news that night, it seemed when you got them going, there was no way to stop them.

Hobbs= 0 Homos=1

Amidst the celebration, Brian and Justin came together in a passionate embrace and Brian could _feel_ Justin's faith in the world be restored.

...

Back at the loft, Brian stopped what he was doing when he saw the saddened look on Justin's face.

"Sunshine..." Asked Brian softly, sitting down next to him.

"You know what you said," began Justin, "about it not mattering? You 'no, I was still alive even though Hobbs got off, and that's all that mattered to you."

"Yeah..." Said Brian slowly.

"That's what it feels like," Justin admitted, looking into Brian's beautiful eyes. "I think my life is gonna finally get better now, I can feel safe again, and I love you-" he reassured Brian, then he sighed, "-but it doesn't matter, I still can't draw."

Brian was trying to think of ways to convince Justin that he would, in fact, draw again, but if Justin didn't believe it, it wouldn't do him much help.

"Well," said Brian softly, taking Justin's bad hand into his own, "even if you can never draw again-" he kissed Justin's hand softly and made Justin's eyes flutter at the pleasure, Brian then looked back up to Sunshine, "-you'll _always_ be perfect to me."

The shared a soft kiss.

Later that night, Justin watched from the living room as Brian sat reading on his bed, Justin had never known Brian to sit down with a good book before, Brian would always find ways to surprise Justin and reveal to Justin just how incredibly deep and deeply incredible he was.

As Justin watched Brian, he couldn't help his love for his man flow through his body, Brian had been there for him every single step of the way, and done everything in his power to make sure Justin's life was okay, he'd even found all of these protestors, Brian was beautiful on the inside and outside.

But just the way he was lying, the way his muscles were flexing...the shadows there...

Justin looked at his sketchpad, needing to get this beautiful man down on paper, but then his eyes slowly travelled up to a different object...

Justin picked up the electronic pencil and turned the God that was the incredible Brian Kinney into an immortal creation of eternal youth and beauty, _much like the man himself_, Justin thought, so immersed in every curve and contour of the man he loved that he didn't even realise that he was drawing again.


	10. Chapter 10: Only you could heal me

If I could just have one last dance with you...

Disclaimer: I do not own Queer as Folk or any of the characters, they belong to Showtime and Cowlip.

Warnings: Slash, some strong language, homophobia.

Okay, sorry for the long wait, guys. My computer has been playing up, hope you all enjoy chapter 10!

Chapter 10: Only you could heal me

Brian, Justin, Jennifer and Molly were sat in Jennifer's home sharing a family dinner. Brian was so unused to this setting, aside from the dinners he'd shared with Michael, Debbie and Vic, he didn't really know what it felt like to be a part of a family. But he definitely liked it, he liked that he had a good relationship with Jennifer, even if he was pretty sure Molly was still afraid of him. He also liked the sneaky little glances at Justin from across the dinner table, and the subtle holding of hands and casual kisses that they could share in public. Brian had honestly thought that Justin would be afraid of any overt public displays of affection after the bashing, but he'd been more out and proud than ever. Ever since Justin had started using the computer that Brian had bought for him, Brian had been loving Justin's new attitude to life. It was quite: Suck on it Hobbs, I'm still here and Brian is never gonna let you get me. Also, Jennifer was pretty much gushing affection for Brian because of his involvement in Chris Hobbs' retrial, so they were all invited over to Jennifer's to celebrate, and as Brian soaked up the textbook scene in his head, he decided it wasn't such a crazy thought that, at some point in the future, he might want to start his own family with Justin.

"So?" Jennifer prompted, leaning forward in her seat.

Justin couldn't help the smile that immediately broke out across his face. "Oh, I talked to my professor, he said I could stay."

Brian and Jennifer broke out into cheering and applause and Justin blushed adorably in the way Brian loved, embarrassed to be the centre of attention. Jennifer got up and hugged her son tenderly, she was so very proud of him.

"That computer you found, Brian, it's genius." Said Jennifer.

"Luck." Brian corrected, Justin rolled his eyes, Brian couldn't seem to give himself any credit for anything.

"I'm getting a lot of strength in my hand again," said Justin, "I don't want to give up on art again, PIFA would have to try and _stop _me from coming back."

Brian couldn't help smiling infectiously, there was that fire and determination that he loved so much, it was back in Justin's heart, Brian was honestly shocked at how happy that made him feel.

He leant over and kissed Justin softly, Justin returned the kiss and when they broke apart, Justin was smiling, they stared into each other's eyes for a few moments until Molly spoke up.

"So, is he gonna steal Justin too?" She asked.

There was a momentary silence.

"What?" Asked Justin, confused, as Brian and Jennifer broke down into laughter.

...

Brian felt like he was intruding as Justin and Molly started playing, so he decided to go into the kitchen and join Jennifer.

Brian walked into the kitchen and Jennifer smiled, Brian picked up a cloth and began drying the dishes as Jennifer washed them.

"You don't have to do that." Jennifer berated good-naturedly.

"It's no problem, Justin is with his sister, so I figured I'd come and keep you company."

Jennifer smiled. "Do you have any brothers or sisters?" She asked.

"An older sister," said Brian, "but...we don't really...talk."

"Fall out?" Asked Jennifer kindly.

"Sort of," Brian smiled, "not everyone's family is as understanding as yours when it comes to coming out."

"Oh," said Jennifer, "I'm sorry."

"Don't be." Brian smiled. "I know that people like you exist, that's good enough." He laughed slightly. "I guess I envy Justin that."

Jennifer didn't say anything.

"I'm really proud of Justin." Said Brian suddenly, looking at Jennifer, "it seems only a minute ago he was lying in that coma."

Jennifer nodded. "I know what you mean." She agreed. "We sat in that hospital together for two weeks talking about unimportant things, and then we heard him scream your name, and he was alive." She smiled.

"He's just been so strong," said Brian, "he pulled through and came back despite every obstacle that got in his way."

Jennifer looked up at Brian. "He never could have done it without you."

"Of course he could," Brian denied, "he's the strongest person I know."

"If you hadn't have come running in Justin's hospital room when he first woke up..." Jennifer told Brian, "he wouldn't have cared if he lived or died."

Brian looked down.

"Brian-" Jennifer continued softly, "you don't believe you're worth much, I can see that, but without you, my son wouldn't be alive. Your love healed him, you brought him back to life. You are worth a lot, because you did more than most people; you couldn't sleep because you were worried sick about him, you cared about him, you looked after him and you never gave up." She took a deep breath, "you were there for Justin every step of the way, and I want to...thank you for that."

Brian looked up at Jennifer, immensely touched by her words. "You're welcome." He answered softly, blinking back the tears he wanted to cry. _Great, I'm a lesbian._

"And," she continued, "I wanted to apologise for my reservations when I first found out about your relationship with Justin."

Brian smiled slightly. "You were protecting your son." He said, "I know I'd do the same for mine, and I also know that not many people are lucky enough to have that." He looked down again.

Jennifer put a hand on Brian's shoulder affectionately and their eyes met.

"You're a part of the family, Brian."

He smiled.

...

It was that night at the loft and Justin turned all of the lights out and joined Brian in their bed.

"Sorry you had to sit through that." Said Justin apologetically.

"Why are you sorry?" Asked Brian, "I had fun."

Justin grinned despite himself. "You did?"

"Yeah," Brian answered truthfully, "you have a great family, even your sister seemed to like me, I mean, after we explained I wasn't the bogeyman."

Justin laughed. "Well, I'm glad you and my family get on so well."

"Jennifer told me I was part of the family today." He admitted, "she said some really nice things, she reckons my love healed you, apparently." He said, off-handed.

Justin stopped what he was doing and looked at Brian. "Don't...you think that?" He asked.

"No." Brian answered softly, pulling Sunshine into his arms. "you are so strong, you didn't need me." He stroked Justin's hair tenderly. "I am so proud of you, Sunshine."

A few tears of emotion spilled down Justin's cheeks.

"Hey..." said Brian softly, wiping Justin's tears away.

"I _did _need you, Brian." Justin half-whispered. "I'm _always _gonna need you."

Brian pulled Justin closer into him and Justin snuggled into Brian's arms. "I'm not going anywhere, Sunshine. You're stuck with me."

Justin laughed slightly. "What my Mom said... it's true," Justin began, closing his eyes and settling his head against Brian's chest. "Only you could heal me." He breathed softly, sleep taking him as he contently fell asleep in Brian's arms, realising he never wanted to be anywhere else.

"I love you," He finished softly, "more than anything else in my life, and I wanna be with you forever."

As Brian felt Justin hugging him tightly as he fell asleep, his brain was suddenly bombarded with a sudden, random, stupid, brilliant thought.

_I want to be with you forever too, Sunshine._

...

The thought wouldn't stop playing through Brian's head.

He was at work and finding it hard to concentrate on anything, even his boss had asked if he was feeling okay.

Currently, working on his new account, Brian stopped what he was doing as his mind trailed off, he stared at a patch on the wall as he tried to decide...

"Brian?" A sudden voice ripped him out of his head.

Brian looked up to see Cynthia staring worriedly down at him. "I've been calling you for the last ten minutes." She said.

"Sorry," said Brian, smiling apologetically. "I'm just...pre-occupied."

"Is something wrong?" Asked Cynthia, instantly worried. "Are you okay? Is Justin okay?"

"Justin's fine." Brian assured her, contented that he could finally say that.

"I..." he sighed.

"Brian?" She asked, "you can tell me."

"I...I want to spend my life with him, Cynthia."

"Awwww." Said Cynthia.

Brian rolled his eyes. "I just...I just don't know if I'm gonna be enough for him."

"What makes you think that?" Asked Cynthia, in a way that said that Brian shouldn't be thinking like that.

"Because..." said Brian, running a hand through his hair. "I've been emotionally closed off most of my life, I spent the first year I knew him treating him like shit, and now I expect him to spend the rest of his life by my side?" He laughed at himself.

"Justin loves you," Cynthia reminded him, "and you love him," she sighed and sat down at Brian's desk.

"You know what I think?" She asked him, "I think you're scared. Scared that if you commit to someone, you're gonna get hurt."

Brian sighed but didn't answer, mainly because he knew she was right.

"I just don't want to fuck this up." He admitted.

"You won't," Cynthia smiled, putting a hand on Brian's cheek. "You are Brian Kinney, you always find a way to pull it off."

...

That night, Brian walked into the loft and placed his coat and briefcase on one of the bar stools, he was just about to walk to his bedroom and unbutton his suit jacket, but something in the living room caught his eye.

Justin was sketching, in his sketch pad.

"What...are you doing?" He asked softly.

Justin looked up at smiled involuntarily, because Brian had come home. "Drawing." He laughed, turning back to his sketchpad.

Brian walked over and looked down, and couldn't help smiling when he realised that Justin was drawing him.

"You're drawing." He said.

Justin grinned. "Yeah, my hand still gets a bit tired, but, I'm getting there, I can draw normally a little bit."

Brian immediately pulled Justin up from the sofa and kissed him passionately. When the kiss ended Justin was breathless and struggled to regain his balance.

"What...was that for?" He asked breathlessly.

"I knew you would get through this." Brian answered.

Justin grinned. "Well, in rehab you promised me that there was hope." He reminded Brian. "You were right." Justin got up from where he was sitting and went to the fridge to make Brian something to eat, he must have had a long day. Justin liked looking after Brian and doing things for him, it made him happy. "I guess I don't know what I would have done if you hadn't have been there with me." He finished , off-handed.

_I'm always gonna be here. _Brian thought, and in that moment he made his decision.

"Sunshine, will you marry me?"

Justin immediately froze and stopped what he was doing, he couldn't believe what he had just heard, and wasn't entirely sure if he had heard Brian right.

Brian stared at Justin's frozen back uncertainly, not sure what Sunshine would say.

As soon as Justin's thought process began to come back to him, he turned to Brian.

"What?" He asked softly, disbelievingly.

"I asked you to marry me," said Brian more confidently. "To make me the happiest man in the world and stay with me forever."

"But..." began Justin, "marriage..you...it goes against everything you believe in." He said finally.

"I was wrong," said Brian, walking towards him, "you opened my eyes."

Justin shook his head. "Brian, I don't want you to change everything you believe in to make me happy."

"I'm not asking you to make you happy." Said Brian honestly. "At least, that's not my only reason." He reached Justin and stroked his hand down Justin's cheek. "I love you," he began, "and I want to be with you, I want to be with you forever, and," he took a deep breath. "I want to stand up in front of everyone and declare my love, my commitment, to you. And I want to know that you will do the same, and be mine forever, like I want to be yours."

Justin stared into Brian's eyes, he had never been more touched by anyone's words than he was right now. But Justin knew that anyone could have said what Brian had just said to him and it wouldn't matter, it was the fact that Brian had said it, Brian was all Justin wanted in the world and nothing else mattered.

"You...you mean that?" Asked Justin softly.

"Sunshine," began Brian softly, repeating his words from months before. "I may be a lot of things, but I am not a liar."

Justin smiled, tears of joy streaming down his face. "Okay." He finally said, his voice breaking.

"Okay what?" Asked Brian playfully, fighting to keep his emotions in check.

"Yes," Justin laughed, "yes, I will marry you."

Brian could no longer contain his smile as the two met in an euphoric kiss.

"I..." began Brian, speechless. "I can't believe you said yes."

"I want a lifetime with you, Brian," Said Justin between kisses, unable to keep himself off of his lover, his _fiancé, _"with no more memories stolen from me."

"There won't be, Sunshine." Brian promised, with love in his heart and yet another idea in his head.


	11. Chapter 11: No memories are stolen

If I could just have one last dance with you...

Disclaimer: I do not own Queer as Folk or any of the characters, they belong to Showtime and Cowlip, I also do not own the song "Save the last dance for me" by the Drifters.

Warnings: Slash, some strong language, homophobia.

Wow, final chapter! I can't believe I've actually finished writing my first Queer as Folk fan fiction! Hope it won't be my last! Thank you for everyone who has supported me and kept me writing, I love you all! ! ! Also, I'm totally open to any idea's or requests if people want me to write more x Hope you enjoy chapter 11, reviews much appreciated x

Chapter 11: No memories are stolen

"To Brian and Justin!" Debbie toasted happily, "may they have the best fucking life that's humanly possible!"

Everyone broke out into applause and cheering while Brian and Justin smiled embarrassedly.

"You two deserve it." Debbie smiled. "You've both grown up so much, but you'll always be my babies, do you understand me?"

"Yes, Mom." They both chorused, laughing, although they were both immensely touched by Debbie's words.

After this, all of their friends and partly family, (Brian's family couldn't make it, apparently. But for the first time in his life, it didn't bother him. If they were too sad to share in his happiness, it was their loss) came up to congratulate the happy couple. People were gushing and also shocked, they never thought they'd live to see the day they would be attending Brian Kinney's engagement party.

"Hey, Em!" Brian and Justin called, calling Emmett over.

Emmett danced to their side. "Yes? My b-e-autiful couple?" He breezed happily.

Justin smiled at Brian and then turned back to Emmett. "Brian and I talked it over..." he began ,and then grinned, "and we would like you to plan our wedding."

Emmett was silent for a minute and then he put his hand to his mouth as the tears welled up in his eyes.

"Oh my God..." he began, "thank you so much..." Brian and Justin grinned at such an "Emmett" display of happiness.

"Yay!" He said cheerfully, clapping his hands together. "Oh my God, there's so much to do!" He gushed. He hugged Justin tightly and then practically jumped on Brian. Brian grinned and returned the hug, something that slightly shocked Emmett.

"Would you mind not suffocating my fiancé?" Justin laughed. "I'm gonna go and talk to Mel and Linds." He told Brian.

"Okay, Baby." Said Brian, kissing Justin when Emmett finally let him go.

"You 'no, what?" Began Emmett, as soon as Justin was out of ear shot. "I never thought I'd see the day when Brian Kinney committed to any one man."

"Are you here to laugh at how the mighty have fallen, then?" Asked Brian half-sarcastically.

"No." Said Emmett, "I'm here to tell you how _proud_ I am of you, Brian. It took strength to hide your emotions, but it took even more to set them free."

Brian actually found tears welling up in his eyes. "Well, Em, it might sound strange coming from me but...that means a lot, hearing you say that. Thank you."

Emmett smiled. "I...err...I feel like I owe it to you, Brian-" he began, "to tell you, that, I've always loved you. As my friend, even if I never really showed it." Emmett laughed slightly. "I guess I was an asshole too, and I'm sorry."

"Sorry is bullshit." Said Brian, catching Emmett off-guard. "I'm starting a fresh now," he continued, "with the wedding and, concentrating on my future with Justin and maybe even starting a family together-" he smiled at his own words, "I don't have time to regret the past."

"I think that's why everyone can't help loving you unconditionally," Emmett said, "because we all _knew _this Brian was in there somewhere."

Brian smiled at him.

"Also- " began Emmett, "if you two have a kid, will you call it Emmett junior?"

Brian laughed.

Justin kept sneaking glances at Brian from where he stood with Melanie and Lindsay, when he turned back to them he couldn't help grinning. He suddenly realised that Mel and Lindsay were grinning at him knowingly.

"What?" He asked.

"You can't stop staring at him." Said Lindsay.

Justin blushed.

"Oh, don't be embarrassed, I think it's adorable." Lindsay gushed.

"Congratulations, baby." Said Melanie, kissing him on the cheek, "as much as I never expected to say it, I hope you and Brian have an amazing life together."

"Thanks, Mel." Justin smiled, "I never imagined this day would come, I mean, me and Brian getting married." He continued, his smile permanently plastered to his face.

"I think it proves that if you love someone strong enough and hard enough, anything is possible." Said Lindsay, smiling happily. Overjoyed for Brian and Justin, but glad that her Brian had finally found happiness.

"Well," began Justin, "whatever scared Brian into action that night in the hospital, it must have been the most terrifying thing on Earth."

"The thought of losing you." Said Lindsay calmly.

Justin sucked in his cheeks. "What...never occurs to anyone..." he began slowly, "is that I nearly lost Brian, too."

Brian was generally mingling through the crowd until his eyes landed on something. Mikey was skulking alone in the corner. Brian knew Michael's body almost as well as he knew Justin's, and he could tell that the look on Michael's face meant that he wasn't happy.

"Hey, Mikey," said Brian walking up to him. "Enjoying yourself?"

"Yeah, sure." Mikey lied.

Brian sighed and gave up pretending. "so, what's wrong?"

"Nothing." Said Michael immediately. Brian gave Michael a look and Michael caved under his best friend's knowing stare.

"Okay!" Said Michael angrily, "you've spend your entire life hating love, and commitment," he raged, "and you _laughed _at _anyone _that was a part of it!" Michael sighed angrily. "I think what you're doing is bullshit and you shouldn't be doing it." He finished.

"I love him." Said Brian finally, in a hard voice. "Don't you think I'm entitled to that?"

Michael sighed and walked up to Brian. "Of course you are," he said softly. He tried to reach out and touch Brian but Brian moved away.

"If you think me choosing to spend my life with Justin is bullshit-" Brian began, "then maybe you should just go." He said, gesturing to the door.

"I'm afraid of losing you!" Michael admitted.

Brian caved. "I'll always love you, Mikey, no matter what." He told Michael truthfully. "Even if you do disagree with my life and walk out that door I'm always gonna love you, not in the same way I love Justin, but you're my best friend," Brian sighed, "and that wasn't meant to change."

Michael couldn't help smiling at his best friend. "I want you and Justin to have all the happiness in the world, you deserve it." Michael told him. "I was just, scared, that I would be out of the picture."

Brian leant over and kissed Michael softly, as a friend.

"So," he asked, "do you want to give me away?"

Michael grinned.

...

"So," said Michael, "how about we all go for a drink at Woody's?"

"Yeah, sure."

"Cool."

"Okay, yeah."

Everyone agreed.

"Actually..." began Brian, causing everyone to look at him, "would anyone mind if I just took my winnings home?" He asked playfully, snaking an arm around Justin's waist and pulling him closer, causing Justin to smile.

"Ooh, go on then." Lindsay winked.

"have fun counting your socks." Said Debbie knowingly.

Brian grinned and pulled Justin out of the room, Justin raised his eyebrows in anticipation to everyone else and laughed.

...

"Err...Brian..." began Justin, looking out of the window of the Jeep as the sun came down. "You just missed the turn-in for the loft..." Justin looked at Brian but Brian didn't answer.

"Where are we going?" Asked Justin. Brian just smiled his patented "Brian Kinney" smile but kept his silence. Justin's forehead creased in confusion. _What is he planning?_

Shock covered Justin's face as they pulled up outside of St. James academy. Justin was speechless as Brian got out of the Jeep. "Brian..." Justin asked uncertainly, following him and getting out of the Jeep. Brian walked up to the main entrance.

"Brian!" Justin called, confused. "We can't just break in!"

"We're not." Said Brian, turning to Justin, "don't worry, I talked to your old Principle."

Justin confusedly followed Brian through the school and was shocked as Brian lead him into the ballroom, the same ballroom where his Prom had been held. Justin looked around the room uncertainly.

"Do...do you remember anything about the dance?" Asked Brian.

Justin shook his head. "I just remember the attack." Justin ached to remember that dance, according to Brian he had told him that it had been the best night of his life, and according to Daphne, their dance had been "un-fucking-real."

"What are we doing here?" Justin asked Brian, turning towards him.

"Rectifying a mistake." Said Brian, he stayed where he was for a moment and then walked over to the sound system in the room, where the DJ would have been with his decks.

Brian reached over and turned it on. Justin instantly recognised the song that played.

_You can dance every dance with the guy who gives you the eye, let him hold you tight_

_You can smile every smile for the man who held your hand 'neath the pale moonlight_

_But don't forget who's taking you home and in whose arms you're gonna be_

_So darlin', save the last dance for me..._

Justin watched cautiously as Brian walked slowly back to him, Brian took both of Justin's hands in his own and pulled him towards him, their eyes never leaving each others.

"No memories are stolen from you, Justin, even if you can't remember them," said Brian, he placed a hand over Justin's heart, stopping Justin's breath, "because they'll always be locked safely in your heart."

Justin looked up at Brian with pure love in his eyes and the pair began to sway romantically and intimately to the music.

"Brian," began Justin, "you are the man I've been waiting for, for all of my life." He ran a hand over Brian's cheek. "I love you," he began, "with all of my heart, and I always will."

"I love you, too." Said Brian, "more than you could ever understand."

"I love you with all of my heart, Brian." Justin repeated, staring into the eyes of his soul mate, "I don't ever wanna let you go. You are my soul mate." Brian looked down at Justin, he had never thought of it like that before, but he sure as hell liked the sound of it. "You're my soul mate, too." He answered, and he'd never been more sure about anything in his entire life. Brian sighed as he pulled Justin closer into him. "We've had so many mistakes, Sunshine," he said, "I remember, sitting in that hospital on the night you were bashed, and I honestly had no idea what I would do if I lost you," Brian could feel the tears streaming down his face. Justin looked up at Brian, pure love shining in his eyes. He tenderly wiped Brian's tears from his eyes. "Don't cry." Said Justin softly. Brian laughed slightly. "Don't worry about me," he said, "I'm just feeling a little, emotional." Ever so softly, Brian took Justin's hand in his own, and saw his own tears glistening on the tips of Justin's pale and perfect fingertips. He softly brought Justin's hand to his lips and tenderly kissed each of his fingertips, kissing away his tears, Justin's eyes fluttered at the feel of Brian's soft lips on his skin, and Justin knew that he wanted to feel those lips on him for the rest of his life. Brian's kisses were always so new and exciting to Justin, but at the same time, they were so very familiar. As Justin watched Brian tenderly wipe his own tears from Justin's skin with his sensual kisses, an act of love and affection so rarely seen from this strong, emotionally reserved man, Justin knew that he was deeply imbedded within Brian's heart, and as long as he was there, he was home.

_But while we're apart, don't give your heart to anyone..._

"You must have been so scared," said Justin softly, "I don't know what I would have done if that had been you in there..." he said honestly, physically shuddering at the thought as his brain quickly rejected the pain.

"I was." Brian admitted, "I just, prayed, that you would be okay."

"But you think religion is bullshit." Justin pointed out, "you don't believe in it, and you sure as hell wouldn't ask God for any help."

"I would have done anything," said Brian softly, "I would have paid any price, just to be able to hold you in my arms again and tell you how sorry I was for everything that I had done to you, all I wanted was to have a second chance to show you that I could love you."

"Despite, everything that happened..." Justin admitted slowly, softly stroking Brian's face, "I'm glad that you showed up, even if I had died, I would have been happy to know that the last thing I had done in my life was dance with you."

"That's what Michael said," said Brian, casting his mind back to that night, "It genuinely felt like you had saved your last dance for me, and as I sat there, regretting everything I'd ever done to hurt you andimagining all the things I could say and do to earn your forgiveness, hopingthat I could just look into your perfect eyes one last time, wonderingif I could ever stand up to God and say that I deserve you –" Brian looked into Justin's eyes and saw Sunshine staring right back, knowing that as soon as Justin got the chance to speak he would tell him that he had nothing to regret and he deserved him more than anyone else on the planet.

"But the only thing I _knew_-" Brian told his soul mate, "was that if I could just have one last dance with you..."

He and Justin rested their foreheads against each other and Brian breathed in Justin's scent deeply as he entwined their fingers together;

neither one prepared to ever let go.

"...I'd play a song that lasts forever."

The End


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